Aliens Or Illegal Gold Miners With Jet Packs?

I interrupt your regularly scheduled political news for this absolutely insane story. There were claims of aliens attacking an indigenous tribe in a village in Peru. Sounds normal enough, right? They were said to be large, armored things with “half yellowish” eyes. There were the usual blurry photos that we always see of alien sightings. It seemed to be another fake sighting. But then the story gets interesting.

They attempted to kidnap a 15 year old girl. They were unsuccessful in the kidnapping, but that didn’t stop them from wounding her. A professor, Cristian Caleb Papaya, saw the attack, so he was able to give a better description of the “aliens” that sounded a little less exotic.

Turns out, the Peruvian government thinks the “aliens” are actually illegal gold miners on jet packs. Which is totally more normal than aliens…right?

Whether it is illegal gold miners with jet packs, or aliens, I think we can all agree this story is totally whack. I couldn’t know about it alone. So you’re welcome.