Senator Thinks You Need Government to Make Friends For You

We are officially at “You can’t be trusted to socialize for yourself, we need to do it for you” level of government.

Senator Chris Murphy has introduced the National Strategy for Social Connection Act, which would establish a federal office to “combat loneliness and strengthen communities” and “require a national strategy on social connection.”

I mean. . . wow. This is the most yikes I’ve ever seen in a single tweet. There’s a lot of reasons we’re experiencing a loneliness epidemic, and 0 of them are “lack of government action.” In fact, I would argue– as would literally any rational person who’s paid a modicum of attention to even one single effing thing that’s happened the past three years– that the loneliness problem has been particularly EXACERBATED by government action. 

Remember all the warm fuzzies you got standing six feet away from your loved ones? Didn’t you feel such a sense of belonging and community while you watched your coworker’s video feed buffer during a Zoom meeting? Didn’t lockdowns do wonders for your relationships and mental health??

Oh wait. All that made mental health and loneliness WORSE? Imagine that. 

If I remember correctly, there used to be a thing you could do to strengthen your community ties, interact with others, and develop a sense of self that was stable and confident. It was called going to church.

But that, or pretty much anything vaguely constructive, is “right wing extremism” now when done in a group.

So what’s the takeaway? We’re dying of loneliness, but any attempts to assuage the problem in your own life means you’re literally Hitler, so the government has to make your friends for you. I mean, who knows what kind of crazy ideas you might come up with with all that free-will association? Better to find you a friend who’s niiiiiiice and complacent. It’s like when your mom wanted you to hang out with the loser who got straight As and followed the rules. They’ll be a good influence. 

Now, I acknowledge the distinct possibility that Chris Murphy is just butthurt that no one will sit with him at lunch and decided to draft legislation about it. But incidentally, the advice he needs to hear is also the solution his bill seeks to achieve:

Go outside.