This Photo Brings Me To Tears Every Time I See It.

One of my best friends on the planet – Marcus (the guy who’s responsible for taking me to the Robbie Williams show in Vegas where Robbie ended up giving me a lapdance) – got married a couple of summers ago to a lovely woman that he’s actually known most of his life.  They were in middle school together back in the day, and then went their separate ways and lived separate lives, only to find one another again a few years ago (although they lived in separate cities).  They started talking, facetiming, and it wasn’t long at all before they realized they were in love.  It was Marcus’ first marriage, but her second, and along with Shawna came her daughter Delaney.  Delaney was three when Marcus and Shawna fell in love.  At the time, Marcus lived in DC, and Shawna lived in Charleston.  During the summer of 2020, in the midst of Covid, my family was staying on Fripp Island in SC for the 4^th of July holiday, and I’d been posting a few photos from our trip when I got a text from Marcus.  He said, “I’m in Charleston.”

I was super stoked because I hardly ever got to see him, and I was ALSO super stoked to meet his new girlfriend.  We decided they’d come to Fripp for fireworks on the 4^th, since it was the only place left in the area that hadn’t canceled them due to Covid.  We spent a great evening together, and I snapped this pic of them. 

I introduced them to my favorite thing about Fripp – the tame and docile deer – and snapped this picture too – one of my all time favorites. 

I mean, can you even?

Fast forward a year, and I attended their wedding in Charleston.  Marcus became a first time husband and dad.  He’s awesome at both!

I knew very little about Shawna’s first marriage – only that Delaney had been adopted by Shawna and her first husband.  Beyond that, I only knew that every so often I’d see Shawna post a photo from her daughter’s birth that made me sob every time I saw it.

I asked Shawna recently if she’d let me share the photo with you all, along with any details about the story she felt comfortable with, and she was gracious enough to say yes!

First, the photo.  One of the most gorgeous, gut-wrenching, emotion-filled photos I’ve ever seen of an adoptive mother watching her daughter be born.

That picture just makes my heart explode.  And what a testament to the beauty of adoption, of life, of choosing to bear a child instead of destroying it.  I just love everything about that photo.

The story behind the photo is a fascinating one. Shawna met Delaney’s birth mom in 2012.  To protect her privacy I’ll simply call her Ann.  According to Shawna, Ann had a rather troubled life, filled with trauma.  In 2014, she became pregnant with a daughter who she continues to raise on her own.  In 2017, she fell in love and quickly married a man that none of her friends (including Shawna) even KNEW about before the courthouse wedding.  She soon realized that he wasn’t a good man, but at the same time realized she was pregnant.  Shawna was a shoulder to lean on for Ann during that time, and Ann made it clear that although she was in no position financially or emotionally to care for another child, abortion was simply not an option.

As Shawna describes it:

“When she was 5 weeks pregnant, she left me a voicemail while she knew I was at work stating that she had spent the last two days attending daily mass and praying for guidance and clearly felt God’s presence telling her that the baby was mine. She asked me to adopt the baby, then turned her phone off for a day to prevent me from being able to tell her no. 

I thought that she needed to give it more time since she was so early in her pregnancy, but told her that if she still felt that way 6 months into her pregnancy, I would get a lawyer and adopt the baby. She texted me every morning when she woke up telling me that she still wanted me to take the baby. I attended the ultrasound and found out she was having a little girl, and I named her Delaney that day. It was over for me at that point, and I got a lawyer and let Ann know that I would move forward with the adoption. Ann and I planned my baby shower together, and she drove from Charleston to North Georgia where I was living to attend the shower and meet all of my friends. I had a book that everyone wrote letters to her in during the shower and she was gifted many sentimental items in gratitude from my family and friends. It was all very emotional to say the least!” 

When Ann went into labor, Shawna drove the 5 hours to Charleston and got to the hospital about an hour before Delaney was born.  Ann had made the decision not to hold Delaney, so Delaney was handed to Shawna right after the umbilical cord was cut.  

Amazingly, Shawna was able to induce lactation well in advance of Delaney’s arrival, and was able to breastfeed her new daughter just like any other mama!  She spent the night at the hospital with Ann that night, and they celebrated Delaney’s arrival together.  From the beginning, Ann referred to Delaney as Shawna’s daughter.  Eight months later, Delaney’s adoption was finalized.  And today, Delaney is a thriving, happy, well-loved 6-year-old little girl. 

Delaney knows that she’s adopted, and Shawna talks about her birth mom with her regularly.  If at any point, Delaney shows interest in knowing Ann, that’ll be a decision for Ann to make.  Ann keeps up with Delaney’s growth through social media and through emails with Shawna, but does worry that her older daughter might not understand or forgive her for giving up her little sister.  So that’s a bridge to cross as Delaney grows older.

The relationship between Ann and Shawna is filled with love and gratitude, but also complexity and hurt.  I can only begin to imagine what it has been like for each of them. 

What I do know, though, is that Ann’s decision to bring Delaney into the world was an absolute gift, and one that I wish more women would make rather than choosing abortion. 

The photo of Delaney’s birth is the best example of what the expression of gratitude of an adoptive mother looks like.  It brings me to tears every time I see it. 

I hope y’all love it as much as I do!