PSA: Waking Up Early Is Now Racist, Too

Oh, you thought you were being healthy, productive, and industrious by waking up early to get a jump on the day? Nope. You’re being racist. You’re perpetuating racism. You’re affirming a system which has white supremacist roots. You’re actually part of the problem. And if this seems absurd to you, you’re definitely the problem because you refuse to acknowledge and accept the part you are playing in perpetuating a system and culture that is rooted in white supremacy.

Apparently, because slaves in America were forced to wake up early, now anyone who ever wakes up early is racist because they are perpetuating a system steeped in white supremacy. And because slaves were forced to wake up early to increase “productivity,” now anyone who thinks that waking up early makes them more productive is racist because they have embraced a narrative that is steeped in white supremacy. Never mind that humans woke up with and went to bed with the sun for hundreds and even thousands of years out of situational necessity. Never mind that quite literally trillions of people in human history have had to wake up early to put in a hard day’s work in order to even survive, much less thrive. Oh, and I don’t even know what to tell you if you’re one of those people whose body just wakes up on its own at the crack of dawn, whether you want to or not.

None of that matters, apparently, because we must find a way to tear down every stitch of the fabric of our society for being racist. Curiously, it seems that many of the things that historically make a person healthy, happy, and successful, are the same things being targeted as racist–home exercise, outdoor sports, maintaining a healthy weight, eating a healthy diet, being on time, waking up early… Weird. It’s almost like they want to make us unhealthy, unsuccessful, and miserable. We’d certainly be easier to control that way.