NOT A DRILL: Inflation Negatively Affecting Penguins Now

In order to cope with record inflation, Japan’s Hakone-en Aquarium has been forced to start feeding their otters and penguins a cheaper fish variety– aji instead of horse mackerel– and those little birds are. Not. Having it.

Head zoo keeper Hiroki Shimamoto told reporters the penguins do not want to eat the weird new fish, stating, “Even if they’ll take it in their beaks, they’ll just spit it out. I’m not sure if the animals can taste a significant difference, but you can tell they’re not used to it.”

Not that I’m an expert, but this checks out with my knowledge of penguins: A zookeeper once told me and my husband that penguins do not do well with change; she said if she came in one day with a different colored bucket, the ones who saw it would freak the eff out, and the rest of them would start freaking out if they saw the others freaking out, no questions asked.

They are also, to my knowledge, very high maintenance. When we got to feed some zoo penguins, a few of the fishes we tossed their way landed in the sand. Before we left, the keeper asked us to try to get them into the water– because if they were too sandy, the penguins would refuse to eat them. Absolute divas.

They are simple birds, and they must be protected. I am calling on world leaders everywhere (Biden) to get their heads out of their asses (end the Fed) and address this inflation crisis.

DO IT FOR THE PENGUINS.