Amber Heard Speaks Out After Defamation Trial

I was as excited as y’all to have to never think about Amber Heard and Johnny Depp’s relationship ever again, but unfortunately for all of us, that lying wench will just not shut her mouth. Heard spoke with Savannah Guthrie in her first interview post-defamation trial, in which her ex-husband Depp was awarded $15 million in damages from her (reduced to $10.35 million due to state law), and I was happy to scroll on by until something caught my attention. Something. . . silly.

Does. . . Does Amber Heard think that people think Johnny Depp actually had scissor hands? Like, does she not get the whole “acting” thing? Does she think we don’t? Like, yeah, okay, most of us don’t make movies and have a limited insight into the industry, but we know it’s not real, babes.

Either that, or Heard thinks she came up with a really tough, sick burn. Or one-liner? I honestly don’t even know what she thought she was doing, but I know it didn’t end up being what she wanted it to be, because no one TRIES to sound that batsh*t stupid. That’s a depth achievable only by the most obliviously absurd among us.

Also, why go with Edward Scissorhands? Does she not know a single more recent, relevant movie that Depp was in? Like, if her goal is to stir up drama (which it has been since day one, let’s be real), why not drop something slightly more plausible and way more juicy? “The man who convinced the world he was straight.” OOOOOOOHHHH. There’s a headline, gurl. Total BS, but that hasn’t stopped you before, has it, Amby? “The man who convinced the world he was not a native of Micronesia.” “The man who convinced the world he had two arms.” “The penguin who convinced the world he was a man.”

I dunno, have some fun with it. Truthfully, anything would’ve been better than THAT.