What Is “Grooming,” Who Is Doing It, And Why Should You Care?

In 2017, the Department of Education explained that “grooming” is a constellation of manipulative actions, behaviors, and interactions which prepare, train, and test children to become ideal victims of abuse, particularly sexual.

In 2017, the Department of Education published a report warning that public school employees “groom” and then commit “adult sexual misconduct” against 10% of all K-12 students.

They define “grooming” as the process of isolating and manipulating a child.https://t.co/fKfVDAcYze pic.twitter.com/XaKjbt8XtT

— Christopher F. Rufo ⚔️ (@realchrisrufo) April 9, 2022

In an effort to educate the public on the signs of sexual grooming of children, RAINN, or the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network, explains that while “grooming can take many different forms, it often follows a similar pattern.” Some of those identifiable patterns are:

• Groomers selecting targets who are emotionally and socially vulnerable.
• Groomers seeking out positions which give them easy access to and contact with potential targets.
• Groomers building trust with targets through special attention and shared secrets.
• Groomers desensitizing targets through discussion of and engagement in age-inappropriate sexual content.
• Groomers attempting to normalize the above behaviors to avoid suspicion.

Terrifyingly, every single one of these is rampant in schools and classrooms today. In fact, back in 2014, a 72-page nonpartisan Government Accountability Office report warned about child predators in schools using grooming tactics and sexually abusing students, recommending that school administrators watch carefully for teachers engaging in “grooming behaviors” that might lead to or facilitate “sexual misconduct” or “sexual abuse.” And it goes beyond just sexualityNow, teachers and administrators alike are publicly championing such grooming behaviors in classrooms.

Now, when people call schools and teachers “groomers,” they aren’t saying that those specific people will actually be the ones sexually exploiting or abusing the vulnerable children that they groom. They certainly could be, especially considering the statistics about school staff abusing children. But being a groomer doesn’t necessarily mean you will be an abuser. Rather, these people may simply be grooming children to become ideal victims of predators. These predators can more easily victimize children who were prepared for abuse by the schools and teachers who groomed the children to be comfortable with secret activities, secret interactions, and secret conversations, and who have learned to effectively keep these secrets from their parents.

School administrators and teachers at Fremont High School in Oakland, California are groomers. They are actively facilitating the manipulation of emotionally vulnerable children into engaging in behavior which they are then expected to keep secret from their parents. They’re teaching these kids that it’s OK to do things, including sex-related things, behind the backs of their parents and especially in coordination with adults who are participating in and facilitating the behaviors in which they know their parents would not want them to engage, and that it is OK to keep those things secret from their parents. This is also how predators prepare their sexual abuse victims. This is grooming, especially when these secrets are all about sex and sexuality.

The transition closet was approved by the principal at Fremont High School. #Groomers #education #ParentsAreWatching #LGBTQ pic.twitter.com/Y4b6WNiwzo

— Teachers Exposed (@_TeacherExposed) April 9, 2022

“The goal of the transition closet is for our students to wear the clothes that their parents approve of, come to school and then swap out into the clothes that fit who they truly are.”

-Mr. Martin-Edwards
Fremont High School in OUSD pic.twitter.com/6ykIiKmp6S

— Teachers Exposed (@_TeacherExposed) March 16, 2022

The whole point of this administration and teacher-facilitated “transition closet” is so that emotionally and socially vulnerable children can be trained and encouraged to trick their parents and keep huge, life-altering secrets that parents would surely want to be involved in and know about, especially for the health and safety of their child. And the implications of that should be self-evident.

pic.twitter.com/SMNBEHdyV8

— George Alexopoulos (@GPrime85) February 23, 2022

At Glasgow High School, the teachers are facilitating emotionally and socially vulnerable children meeting secretly during school hours, rather than after school, so that they can trick their parents and keep secrets from them. Again, encouraging vulnerable children to engage in secret activities and helping them to keep it all secret from their parents is grooming, especially when the activities have everything to do with sex and sexuality.

BREAKING: Glasgow High School GSA club is meeting during instruction time to prevent parents from knowing. pic.twitter.com/OlHBqkzW1i

— Teachers Exposed (@_TeacherExposed) March 30, 2022

Secrecy, especially regarding sex and sexuality, is one of the number one red flags for grooming. Which is why it should be so concerning how many teachers and schools are actively encouraging and facilitating such secrecy from their students. Vernadette Broyles, lawyer for the Littlejohns in a suit against a school who actively helped their child keep transgender activity secret from them, clearly articulated why this kind of secretive grooming behavior is such a significant issue to parents.

“Affirming a child’s discordant gender identity is a significant mental health and medical decision that affects the well-being of children with potentially life-long consequences. To affirm a child’s discordant identity is a treatment decision to a complex mental health issue that schools are not qualified to make.”

Not only are they not qualified to make a complex childhood mental health issue treatment decision which will likely have profound and long-term physical and psychological effects, but they also have no right to make a treatment decision at all, much less behind the backs of the parents.

There are countless examples of school administrations and teachers asking their students for their personally preferred pronouns, to be used in school while away from their parents, and differentiating them from the pronouns they want the school to use in front of the student’s parents. They are actively involved in and helping vulnerable children to keep life-altering secrets from their parents.

School of the Future, NYC asks students if they want to use different names and pronouns for their parents. They are allowing and assisting students in hiding gender changes from parents 🚩🚩 pic.twitter.com/Kv6Dr2JuZX

— Libs of Tik Tok (@libsoftiktok) April 8, 2022

y’all i really love my algebra teacher. Today she gave us papers and it on there was where we could put our pronouns and if it was okay to use around your parents/class. Also she had this thing where if we had mental health problems she will talk to us and not tell our parents pic.twitter.com/22KBWwzc0m

— Rihannas ONLY Daughterシ 🇧🇧 (@oopsumrobyn) August 5, 2021

MY CHEM TEACHER IS SO AMAZING!! THEY ASKED FOR WHAT PRONOUNS TO USE AT SCHOOL AND AROUND YOUR PARENTS AND IM 🥺❤️❤️❤️ this is really cool because im not out to my parents yet and im not comfortable telling them yet pic.twitter.com/3xQocuOz0L

— ًmira ♡ (@itaruiIy) August 7, 2020

🚨 HOLY SHIT! @salemkeizer just issued new procedures for trans students which states “school staff will not disclose any information that may reveal a students’ transgender status to others, including caregivers.” Name and gender changes will be kept confidential. pic.twitter.com/Rb4EfLIPok

— Libs of Tik Tok (@libsoftiktok) April 5, 2022

Their gender support plan directs the staff on how to handle getting asked about a students’ gender from a parent. pic.twitter.com/ndRwzh9hyU

— Libs of Tik Tok (@libsoftiktok) April 5, 2022

WA Parents: This is communication from administration in a Skagit County school district to teachers and staff directing staff to keep from parents a student’s preferred name & pronouns. pic.twitter.com/OxHVeM3YQw

— Conservative Ladies of WA (@CLofWashington) March 25, 2022

BREAKING NEWS: Florida parents sue school for hiding child’s trans-identification – Genspect https://t.co/ehgsmIo9fr

— Genspect (@genspect) October 29, 2021

Some states have already addressed such grooming behaviors in schools, notably Florida Governor Ron DeSantis’ House Bill 1557, the “Parental Rights in Education” bill, as well as Illinois Governor JB Pritzker’s “Faith’s Law,” named after a student who was groomed and then sexually abused.

I’ll end with an anecdote for parents who think my take is unreasonable and that this probably isn’t really happening and probably isn’t really a big deal. It is happening in your child’s school and it does have devastating consequences, even if you haven’t seen it yet. When my oldest was in 2nd grade, a sexually inappropriate incident occurred in the classroom. Rather than appropriately informing the parents of the nature of the incident (entirely possible to do so without divulging personal details) so it could be addressed at home by the parents of the children who witnessed it, the teacher decided to just keep the whole thing quiet. Luckily, my son told me what happened and we were able to discuss it. I then wrote an email to the teacher (the only allowed form of communication with the teacher, which is a different issue altogether) asking for improved communication between us in the future, especially regarding sensitive issues that I would want to discuss with my child. She never responded to my email. But my son came home from school the next day and said that she had told the 2nd grade students not to tell their parents about “bad things” that happen at school, and to only tell parents the “good things” from school. She told them that if they tell parents the “bad things” that happen at school, then parents will think school is bad and might take them away from their friends, so the teacher said they should make the parents think that school is great. But here’s the issue– that’s grooming. This teacher was encouraging children to keep secrets from their parents about bad or inappropriate things that happened while the parents weren’t there, and was even being emotionally manipulative by making them believe that their friendships were in danger if they didn’t keep these secrets from their parents. And this might seem harmless, like a teacher who just wanted families to think she was great, until an adult at school inappropriately touches a child from that classroom who has been told not to tell their parents the “bad things” that happen at school, and thus keeps it a secret as their teacher had taught them. Or until a friend’s parent inappropriately touches a child from that classroom who has been told not to tell their parents the “bad things” or else they will lose their friends, as their teacher had taught them. As their teacher had groomed them. Every parent knows that secret-keeping is one of the very first red flags of abuse. So keep your eyes wide open and recognize the public school endorsement of secret-keeping for what it is– grooming behavior.