M&M’s Cartoons Revamped To Be More “Inclusive,” Represent “More Dynamic, Progressive World”

Not even your candy is safe from the radical woke progressive narratives.

M&Ms, made by Mars, Inc. has announced that they revamped their M&M characters to be more “inclusive” and to represent a “more dynamic, progressive world.”

Cartoon candy characters.

More inclusive.

What do these changes look like? Well, first of all, no more Mrs. or Mr. because that assumes and labels gender. Officially, it is in order to concentrate on “their personalities rather than their gender.” But really, they just prefer everything to be genderless or gender queer.

Additionally, their personalities have been tweaked to give them “an updated tone of voice that is more inclusive, welcoming, and unifying, while remaining rooted in our signature jester wit and humor.”

The Green M&M is not sexy and flirty anymore. She has less distinct lip color and less pouty lips, because that’s too “sexist.” No more go-go boots. Instead, she’s got sneakers. No more flesh-colored appendages. Now they’re just white (wait, was it racist of them to choose white for the appendages of the cartoon candy characters?). Because apparently we shouldn’t be insinuating that a woman’s value is connected to her sex appeal. Mind you, we’re still talking about a cartoon character for a small chocolate candy… Instead, she will be “a hype woman for my friends” and a “supportive friend.” And I’m sort of confused by this, actually. Because on one hand, they’re all about hyper sexualizing everything, like Nicki Minaj simulating lesbian sex on a giant bed on live-streamed national television and normalizing the overt sexualization of children through all forms of entertainment and books in schools, while on the other hand they are all about blurring gender lines by removing anything that is overtly masculine or feminine.

Meanwhile, the brown M&M got lower heels and isn’t going to be so bossy. She also got less feminized, with toned down feminine features. And the Green and Brown will be less catty and more friendly with each other. Which I’m actually not mad about. Girls gotta stick together, especially when we’re now fighting against boys who say they’re girls.

And remember the super anxious Orange one with crippling anxiety? Well, now he gets to “embrace” his anxiety. Speak your truth, orange anxious M&M! It’s not just OK, but it’s good and commendable for you to be anxious! Embrace it! And you know what, maybe people will learn a lesson from this Orange M&M and realize that it’s actually a good thing to be so frightened of a virus (that you have been triple vaccinated against and which is currently a common cold) that you would lock your own child in the trunk of a car to prevent possible contraction. It’s actually a good thing that people want to shut down schools and muzzle children despite the science showing that they are at virtually zero risk from COVID and that they are suffering significant negative secondary effects from all the so-called mitigation measures. The empowered anxious M&M will be the new mascot for all the unstable people who are currently driving public policy with their paralyzing and irrational fear.

Honestly, I’m shocked that they didn’t announce a new M&M, Purple, who is gender queer. I’m honestly really surprised at that.

Anyway, now you can enjoy M&Ms knowing that even your candies are being used to push woke narratives.