Our Resident Physician (Who’s Trans) Gets PERSONAL. You Don’t Want To Miss The Latest From Dr. Anna!

If you’ve been a reader for the past few months, you have probably seen some posts here from Dr. Anna Collins (not her real name).  Dr. Collins is a retired MD, a biological male, a trans woman, and a conservative.  She has provided a fascinating perspective on trans issues here at COTR, and we appreciate her contributions thus far. Some of you have reached out to her with questions, and she welcomes those messages.  If you’ve missed her previous posts, you can click here, and then here, and then here.

Her latest piece is her most personal, and to me, it’s her best yet.

Enjoy!

Dear Readers and Commenters,

A few people have reached out to me in private emails and I am grateful to those that have and would encourage others who might have private thoughts/questions, or comments to email me.  But I decided to write this article in response to a gentleman who commented on my last article in COTR.

I certainly cannot answer for other trans people but I have spoken to many over my lifetime and for the most part, our stories are similar.  None of us understood why we felt different at such a young age and yes, all of us thought we were the only person on Earth who was so afflicted.  And I use the word “afflicted” with purpose because every trans person I know initially saw being trans as an affliction, nothing to be celebrated.  As it has become more socially acceptable, a number have now decided that being trans should indeed be celebrated. Whatever floats your boat I suppose.

Early in my life at age maybe nine or ten, I remember being attracted to my mother’s clothes and lipstick and jewelry.  Don’t ask me why because I have never, ever been able to figure that out. I remember trying on my mom’s capri pants and heels (sling-backs) and looking in the mirror and being mesmerized by the image.  I was far too young for it to have any sort of sexual connotation. As I aged, in high school, I was a fairly accomplished athlete and had a slender physique. I had a girlfriend in high school who delighted in dressing me in her sister’s clothes including a wig.  I protested but not really too vigorously. I cannot remember how that even started but I think it was for a Halloween party. In college, I lived alone in my own apartment and managed to acquire some articles of clothing, a wig, shoes, and makeup. And then after several times experimenting with different looks I became totally disgusted and experienced my first “purge” where I threw all the things away.  But as any trans person will tell you, it doesn’t just go away because you purge….it returns and once again you find yourself purchasing all those things you had just purged. Some trans people experience several purges throughout their life. I have only experienced maybe three.

But through it all, I always felt that I was different and was disgusted by it all but it’s a bit like the moth drawn to the flame…you keep coming back. It’s actually also a bit like an addiction.

I remember the very first day of medical school, I went to the medical library and looked up the term “transvestism”.  There were no computers back then and it was all done using the old card files. I was fearful of someone seeing what I was looking up.  And to my chagrin, I found that transvestism (cross dressing) was classed as a psychiatric condition in a class of conditions called “paraphilias”  which included such things as “peeping toms” and other such activities. That made me feel even more disgusted and if I remember correctly led to my second purge.

As I matured through adulthood I finally figured that it was something that wasn’t going away and I might as well learn how to control it and for the remainder of my life, I have controlled it.  As the commenter asked, yes, it is cross dressing and almost all trans people at least start out that way. Some become so convinced that they wish to be (or become) the opposite gender that they begin to not only dress as the other sex (yes, gender..it’s the same) but to modify their body to conform to their mental image.  Often this involves taking cross sex hormones and often it involves serious and extensive surgery. At this point in my life, I know quite a few trans people who were so miserable in their natal sex that only by transitioning are they able to achieve happiness. And I actually think that transitioning is about the only option for such individuals.  Conversely, I know several trans people who have transitioned and are just as miserable and sometime even worse than pre-transitioning and some who have even “detransitioned”. But after years of hormones and life and body altering surgery, detransitioning can be daunting to say the least.

I was asked what I mean when I use the term “presenting as female” or something similar.  I simply mean that I go out in the world (shopping for clothing and groceries, walking in the park, bicycling, etc) completely dressed as a woman (clothes, hair, nails, makeup, etc) and for the most part no one knows the difference.  I have been blessed with genetics that have given me good skin and I have aged less than the majority of men my age. When I am presenting as female, I am often told that I look 25-30 years younger than my male self…..ah, the magic of makeup!  In fact, I have been told that I am quite attractive and actually modeled clothes for a large department store some years ago.  

I have a number of friends who only know my female side and a number of friends that only know my male side and a very few who know both.  I am told by those that know both that my male persona is reserved, professional, stoic, somewhat quiet, and thoughtful while interestingly my female persona is much more outgoing, friendlier, convivial, and in short more “fun”.  Ouch! I’m not sure how I feel about that but it is what it is and I actually recognize exactly what they are talking about and totally agree with their assessment. There are times that I will be in my female persona for days or even weeks at a time and all of a sudden it’s like flipping a switch and I can’t wait to get back to my male persona.  The last thing I want to do is get up, put on makeup and go out. I really cannot imagine completely transitioning and living my life as a woman 24/7. I don’t have what it takes in more ways than one. Weird I know.

I have been asked by some if any of this is sexual in nature.  I’ve gone back and forth with this in my own mind. When I was younger it was  certainly a rush to see myself as a woman but as I’ve aged, it is much less of a rush and more just a feeling of contentment and peace…..actually an intense feeling of being at peace.  Everything just feels right. There is a word, autogynephilia, which basically means that a person (male) receives pleasure or a pleasurable feeling from seeing themselves as a woman. When I first heard the word I thought that this was just another of the made-up words and terms which are applied to trans people and mostly just blew it off.  But after a few years of thinking about it, it actually does pretty well describe what I feel. So there you have it…I suffer from autogynephilia self diagnosed by…… Doctor Me!

I have said in other articles that trans folks would be well served if they’d just be quiet and try to blend in.  Alas, the trans community is filled with activists who are not satisfied unless they are ramming it down your throat, demanding that they are special.  I think this sets the entire movement back and does not move any part of their perceived agenda forward. People just react negatively to having things forced upon them.  In all the years I’ve been going out, I’ve only had one bad experience. I was cursed by a father in front of his little children because his wife told him she thought I was a trans person.  Classy guy. But that is the only time I have been treated disrespectfully. Oh for certain I have been “misgendered”. I have been told “yes sir or no sir” when standing there in a dress and heels knowing that something gave me away.  It used to bother me but now I just smile and say, “let’s watch those pronouns” or “now, now it’s ma’am, not sir”. A big smile seems to diffuse about anything. I am always amazed when trans folks get their panties all in a twist when someone “misgenders” them.  Ah, come-on…with all the issues in the world to be concerned about, being called by the wrong (which actually is not wrong) pronoun seems inconsequential at best.

Several individuals have reached out to me with thoughts, questions, and/or comments via my email ([email protected]).  I am always grateful to receive these and will respond to each and every one. But, I can only give you my opinion, and where necessary an opinion backed by sound medical science. It will  assuredly not be the opinion of the myriad of trans-activists out there thumping their silicone chest and screaming that they are special and need to be treated special….really!

And for those leaving comments on the COTR website, I am also gratified that so many of you find anything I have to say interesting.  I try to make it interesting and readable but sometimes think I stumble in that effort.

I will leave you with these articles to peruse.  I think you will find them interesting and instructive.

https://www.dailysignal.com/2019/03/10/i-was-americas-first-non-binary-person-it-was-all-a-sham/

https://4thwavenow.com/2018/05/05/detransitioned-man-blasts-transworld/

https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/gender-reassignment-im-man-enough-to-admit-that-it-was-a-mistake-g2nn79j9j

Happy New Year

Anna Collins, MD