Hillary Clinton is the Only One Who Doesn’t Know She’s A Washed Up Loser

I, Rachel S, hereby swear to you, my treasured readers, that this will be the last article I write about Hillary Clinton until the 2020 election is over and done with. Maybe forever. The exception being if/when her name comes up in connection with her mortal enemy, Tulsi Gabbard, or Jeffrey Epstein, who didn’t kill himself.

The reason for this resolution is twofold: First, she’s irrelevant and no one should care enough about her to give her the time of day, and second, she enrages me more than any other politician ever. But the stupid hag WON’T GO AWAY and I’m SO IRATE that I can’t even be funny about it anymore. So this will be my last word on the wench who didn’t, can’t, and won’t ever win. Let us begin.

As if their never-ending, bullsh*t-filled, attention-grabbing “book promotion tour” wasn’t tiresome enough, Hillary Clinton and daughter Chelsea ratcheted up the cringe factor to 11 this week when they LITERALLY took the stage on James Corden’s “Late Late Show”– a program so successful and popular, I had to google who James Corden was.

The late-night host began his monologue by taking a few shots at the “Dancing with the Stars” contestant and former White House press secretary, Sean Spicer.

“Why is Sean Spicer even on ‘Dancing with the Stars’? Politicians don’t belong on entertainment shows. These shows are for celebrities, not political figures,” he said as the Clintons emerged behind him to thunderous applause from the audience.

“I’m really fed up with all your Trump jokes. Every single night,” Hillary joked. “If anyone should be telling Trump jokes … it’s me.”

Remember, this from the woman who actually said that TRUMP is obsessed with HER.

“I can’t blame Trump for trying to help Sean Spicer,” Hillary explained. “But if it’s one thing we’ve learned, it’s that these guys really can’t win the popular vote.”

AGAIN with the popular vote. Like the WHOOOOLE thing of electing presidents in America wasn’t to AVOID a popular vote. Did she really never realize this? Or is she so rabidly focused on the fact that she’s not president that she’s actually shut down the portion of her reptilian brain responsible for knowing what the electoral college is?

Before you admonish me for not giving her the benefit of the doubt, Hillary really seems like she doesn’t grasp the concept. At another stop on the clown parade to promote her book about women she can’t relate to, she said,

We have to hope that whoever ends up nominated can win the Electoral College. I think several of our candidates could win the popular vote but as I know … that’s not enough.”

When my mom saw the Daily Wire headline, she actually thought at first it was coming from the Babylon Bee. And why wouldn’t she? Someone who’s been in politics for like, 85% of her life should be well aware that “win the electoral college” is a phrase three words too long. Winning the presidency IS winning the electoral college. There’s. . . there’s nothing else?? The fact that you ONLY won the popular vote doesn’t mean that it’s suddenly relevant, Hil’. Sorry to burst your bubble.

But back to the hack comedy.

Chelsea then took the stage to deliver a punchline of her own.

“Former White House spokesman Sean Spicer is now on ‘Dancing with the Stars,’” she said. “It is an improvement on his old job: Dancing around the issues.”

I can’t be the only one who’s got some suspicions about why Hillary and Chelsea are thrusting themselves into the spotlight while Bill remains TOTALLY absent, right?

The duo then turned their attention to the recent analysis published by The New York Times exploring the patterns that have emerged in the president’s tweets.

“Fifty percent of Trump’s tweets have been attacks on people,” Chelsea said, “but 100 percent have been attacks on the English language.”

Oh, like when someone accidentally says that staying in their marriage with a notorious philanderer and accused rapist is “gutsy” when they really meant to say “cowardly,” “self-serving,” or “morally bankrupt?”

“It’s pretty shocking, it came out to a total of 6,000 tweets attacking people,” Hillary added. “Even more surprising, only 3,000 of those were about my emails.”

A word of advice, Hillary. The more you say someone is obsessed with you, the more it looks like you’re the obsessive one.

All of these headlines about Ms. Clinton lately have all been in conjunction with her book, and that should tell us something. She wants us to believe she’s going to run for president, because we’re more likely to pay attention to her interest in ruining America than whatever novel she and Chelsea scribbled out. She’s not going to run. She just wants our attention. I, for one, refuse to give it to her anymore.

Go back to the depths to tempt ginger mermaids to give up their voices to you, sea witch.