Cory Booker Meets Fundraising Goal to Stay in Race

Alternate title: “Delusional Man Continues Squandering Others’ Wealth in Pursuit of Insane Pipe Dream.”

Just when we thought we might be rid of him, Cory Booker announced that his campaign team hit their $1.7 million fundraising goal, which means he’s still running for president. Greeeaaaaatttttt.

I have some incredible news, team. Last night at 8:16 p.m., we reached our $1.7 million goal. I’m so grateful that at the most critical moment of this campaign, thousands of people in all 50 states came together to give us the boost we needed. pic.twitter.com/oi8zu8PkyF

— Cory Booker (@CoryBooker) September 30, 2019

This goal was by all accounts an arbitrary one. Basically Booker just slapped a price tag on the improbability of his candidacy and said, “MONEY PLS!!” And people GAVE IT TO HIM. They have to realize this is an insane waste of money, right?? Booker is NEVER going to win the nomination, and even if he did, he’s DOUBLE never going to beat Trump. It sort of reminds me of that time in The Office (people unfamiliar can skip to the next paragraph) when Angela’s cat was not even on death’s doorstep, but halfway through it, and Dwight decided to kill it rather than continue dragging out its suffering. The only problem is we have no Dwight to gently put down Booker’s campaign.

The Booker campaign has pushed back against descriptions of the fundraising goal as a kind of gimmick. But the candidate himself acknowledged one of his intentions was to pump up fundraising.

Asked last week by a reporter from New Hampshire Public Radio “if this is just a gambit to raise money or are you really on the cusp of not having enough money,” Booker answered “both.”

So not only is he broke, he’s also shameless. He almost deserves some credit for stepping out from behind the liberal curtain of doing things “for the greater good” and just demanding money like a spoiled kid. That’s really what the Democrat nominees’ platforms boil down to anyway, at least Booker’s up front about it.

But that’s just the point, isn’t it? This whole campaign is just an ego trip at this point– if Booker really was in it for the good of the people, he’d acknowledge his dismal polling numbers and recognize that what the people want is. . . not him.

Let’s just pray that his polling numbers remain low enough that we don’t have to listen to his super irritating, condescending kindergarten teacher voice in another debate. I know it’s pointless to draw a line at what’s too cringy to watch in the Democratic Primaries, but this is where I’ve drawn it. Just say no to Cory Booker’s voice and STOP. GIVING. HIM. MONEY.