Monopoly: Socialism Exists and We Should All Be Grateful

If you gathered a hundred people in a room and asked them, “Who likes the game Monopoly?” you’d probably find a direct correlation those who raise their hand and the people that raise their hand when you ask, “Who’s a Republican?”

Monopoly is a game for capitalists. That’s why it rocks. Which is what makes Hasbro’s new Monopoly: Socialism an extra delicious game night treat.

Get ready for laughs as the twists and turns of life put a damper on working toward a shared, utopian society. Cooperation isn’t always what it’s cracked up to be. In the Monopoly Socialism game players move around the board working together to make a better community by managing and contributing to projects such as a no-tip vegan restaurant, an all-winners school, or a museum of co-creation. But nobody said that cooperation is easy! Drawing a Chance card presents the flip side of striving for the perfect utopian society. You’ll have issues with your neighbors, your DIY community projects go awry, you’re constantly voting to shake things up, and there’s always an emergency that requires dipping into the Community Fund! Contribute all 10 of your chips to win the game, unless the Community Fund runs out of money and everyone loses. So much for a socialist utopia.

Oh. My. God. Sign me UP. I love a good satire, I get WAY too competitive in board games, and I love bashing socialism. This is my paradise.

Of course, the Left is deeply offended and outraged. (What’s new?) Nick Kapur, a history professor at Rutgers, said to CNN:

“Obviously, there are critiques of socialism and people can say maybe the market is better at delivering certain types of services than the government. But this game didn’t seem to be talking in those terms at all, it just seemed to be saying that ‘Socialism is bad, it makes you poor, you gotta give your money away constantly.'”

I’m sorry, is he not repeating himself here? I feel like “it makes you poor, you gotta give your money away constantly” is a perfectly valid critique of socialism. And accurate.

That’s not even the most hilariously oblivious snippet of the CNN piece:

The game pokes fun at the idea of working together, presenting it as ultimately incompatible with the selfish motivations of some players. Players are offered a series of choices that seem to highlight the potential for others to defect from “socialism.” They can either contribute to the community fund, or choose to deplete it. They can consider the best interest of the group, or do what is in their individual interest.

So, like, the game only works when EVERYONE agrees to behave. . . And otherwise it all goes to sh*t? Is that. . . is that not socialism??? I’m rolling. What a time to be alive. 21st century socialists get offended by a game that accurately portrays their ideal political system, and they wonder why no one takes them seriously.

Anyway, once the price dips below $90 I’m having a Monopoly: Socialism party to find out who my real friends are. You’re all invited.