Apple Gives In To Bagel B*tching

I went to school with people who were OBNOXIOUS about bagels.

Bloomington, IN has some GREAT bagel places. We’re talking DEE-FREAKING-LISH.

I’ve been to New York MULTIPLE times, ok? I’ve had many a bagel and lox. I LOVE lox on bagels. Extra capers and a slice of tomato. HEAVEN.  And the ones I’ve had in Bloomington, Indiana are JUST as good as ones I’ve had in NYC.

But noooooo. The IU coasties (What we called East-Coasters who parked like idiots, cut in line, and acted like they owned the place.) REFUSED to even try them. They had their bagels SHIPPED FROM NEW YORK. I’m not even kidding. Then they would SCOOP THEM to “cut calories.” (As in… scoop all the bread out and eat a bagel crust shell filled with cream cheese. WHAT’S THE DAMN POINT?! OMG.)

What I’m getting at is that I’m FULLY AWARE of how EXTRA people can be about bagels.

Apple recently released a MUCH ANTICIPATED bagel emoji… and a bunch of people LOST THEIR DAMN MINDS.

I’m organizing a march in New York City against Apple’s just-revealed bagel emoji, which comes out with the next iOS update. It looks like something you get from a cardboard box in the freezer section at Walmart. This insult will not stand. pic.twitter.com/Z44YFBuUlU

— Downtown Josh Brown (@ReformedBroker) October 3, 2018

it’s in the uncanny valley between a Krispy Kreme and a dog toy

— Individual-2 (@miketcope) October 3, 2018

It looks like people from California run this emoji company you speak of…

— D Safier (@safier) October 3, 2018

And heeeere we go with the “ONLY NEW YORK KNOWS BAGELS!” crap.

A beautiful Indiana bagel!

— V Simon Abraham (@VSimonAbraham) October 3, 2018

STFU. I’ll come for you. This is personal.

Chip your tooth on that thing…really blew it without the everything

— C Money (@ccrich6) October 4, 2018

That’s not a bagel. That’s a donut with bagel skin

— Nathaniel E. Baker (@natbaker) October 3, 2018

Not even a shmear??

— Brad (@jetstream108) October 3, 2018

SCHMEAR IS EXTRA, YA LUNATICS.

Anyway… Apple apparently got tired of their b*tching, ‘cuz:

After complaints, Apple has replaced its bagel emoji with a new design that includes cream cheese https://t.co/9lKMCf3aLa pic.twitter.com/NSiwZ4Idx7

— Emojipedia 📙🎃 (@Emojipedia) October 15, 2018

ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?!

(No – no they’re not – these people are NEVER happy.)

For the record, this battle is won, but the war is not over:

🥯 State of the bagel emoji / October 2018 https://t.co/SgwmfkMpKq pic.twitter.com/NHFweJq4Ui

— Emojipedia 📙🎃 (@Emojipedia) October 16, 2018

Microsoft and Samsung… you’re next.