Aaaand Crack Pipe Vending Machines Are A Thing Now

Think you’ve seen it all?

Nah. Not ’till you’ve seen a crack pipe vending machine!

Apparently, they’re a thing now:

According to this:

Local residents “were angry to find it in their community … they’re trying to keep their kids safe, and here is someone brazen enough to install this vending machine to sell crack pipes.”

I mean… ballsy move. I’ll give them that.

The blue, free-standing vending machines are actually re-purposed tampon dispensers, a Brookhaven official said. They advertise that they sell “PENS” for eight quarters, or $2, a pop.

The police say the dispensers were likely ripped out of restrooms… making this even WEIRDER if you ask me.

How’d they manage to do THAT?!

But the pens inside the machines are comprised of a long, thin glass pipe and come with a filter, which are then fashioned into drug pipes, authorities said.

That ain’t no pen.

“People that were selling crack, obviously there was trouble from their potential users getting crack pipes, and they thought this would be an ingenious solution,” said Brookhaven Town Supervisor Ed Romaine.

The first illicit vending machine, which touted “Sketch Pens,” was discovered at a Middle Country Road bus stop in front of the Coram Commons shopping center on Aug. 31, according to a photo posted to Facebook.

Two additional boxes were discovered Monday: One in front of the Fairfield At Medford apartment complex, and the other, labeled “S-PENS,” in front of a Home Depot in Coram.

The boxes included a phone number — possibly scratched on to make them look more legitimate — but the number was a dead end, officials said.

I mean, you can be naive AF and actually BELIEVE that they’re pens… but who buys PENS from a random vending machine?

Some dude ACTUALLY needed a pen – and he mentioned that it came with little instructions about how that mysterious filter that comes included is to “get ink off of your skin” or an “eraser.”

Nah, bro. Pens don’t erase. That’s a crack pipe. We’re really not buying it.

And neither is the city:

“To sell a pipe is not illegal, but this is considered drug paraphernalia,” Town Councilman Michael Loguercio told WABC. “And it also is being dispensed from a machine that was installed illegally per town code.”

“At first, we were like, ‘Could this be a joke?’ But then we saw how intricate it was and realized it wasn’t a joke,” Loguercio told The New York Post.

It is a joke…

A joke about how freaking RIDICULOUS the drug consumption in our country is getting.

Things are OUT OF FREAKING CONTROL.