The Guy Who Played Barney Runs A ‘Tantric Sex Business’

I was a Barney girl. When I was a kid, my parents took me to some sort of show to “meet” him, and we have this epic picture of my dad lifting me up above the crowd so I could hug the purple dinosaur. It was a magical embrace. (I was like 4 years old. Give me a break.)

So obviously I’m devastated by this news.

Apparently, the dude who played Barney, David Joyner, runs a “tantric sex business.”

The guy who played Barney the Dinosaur now runs a tantric sex business. https://t.co/qPTvEqxMDa

— VICE (@VICE) January 23, 2018

A full session with tantra massage specialist and spiritual healer David Joyner lasts three to four hours and costs $350. For that price, female clients—the only kind he accepts—can expect to receive a ritual bath, chakra balancing, and a massage. Also on the menu: cosmic, mind-blowing orgasms.

The latter can be achieved through massage alone. But the goal of a session is to fully release a woman’s blocked energy.

Annnnnnd there goes the innocence of Barney.

“When the lingam [penis] and the yoni [vagina] meet, there’s a certain energy that takes place that hands on the body alone cannot create,” says Joyner, 54, whose yogi-like presence is often accompanied by a warm smile when we meet for the first of several interviews. “Even through G-spot massage, it’s still not the same energy that flows.”

Today Joyner’s tantric massage practice boasts 30 clients—or “goddesses,” as he calls them—and he unblocks the energy of two to four women a week, he says. It’s a tad different than his work as a software analyst at Texas Instruments, a job he held for six years and landed shortly after graduating from ITT Technical Institute. But, Joyner says, his current work in tantra does share many similarities to another job he held from 1991 to 2001, that of Barney, the beloved purple dinosaur on the hit PBS children’s show Barney & Friends.

It gets worse. Joyner actually compares his old job as Barney to his current job.

“The energy I brought up [while] in the costume is based on the foundation of tantra, which is love,” he said, according to Vice. “Everything stems, grows, and evolves from love. Even when you have emotionally blocked energy, the best way to remove it is to remove it with love, and then replace it with God’s divine love. Love heals and allows you to continue to grow.”

Ohhhh. Yeah. Um. OK.

“Before I got into the [Barney] costume, I would pray and ask God to allow his loving divine spirit to flow through me through the costume and let that draw the kids. That energy would always draw them in,” Joyner said. “Children are more connected spiritually than [adults]. A lot of times when I see infants and I’m out and about at the grocery store or whatever, they start staring at me. I make the joke, ‘You know who I am.’”

HAHAHA *confused sobbing* HAHA?????!!!?!

Vice is really rubbing this in.

🎶 I love you, you love me 🎶https://t.co/qPTvEqxMDa

— VICE (@VICE) January 23, 2018

“A lot of the elements of Barney were a lot of the things I was training with in tantra.” https://t.co/qPTvEqxMDa

— VICE (@VICE) January 23, 2018

David Joyner, who played Barney from 1991 to 2001, says condoms "block the energy” of tantric sex.https://t.co/qPTvEqxMDa pic.twitter.com/mzquPoAUyl

— VICE (@VICE) January 23, 2018

I can’t.

@_helloyellow @blaaksuedepumps OH MAH GAWD

— Nurse LoveHandles (@AgentBigButt) January 24, 2018

Well alrighty then

— Nandi (@Mysticnoire) January 23, 2018

🎶 I love you, you love me, let's get together tantrically 🎶

— Justin M (@xakazonaex) January 23, 2018

Explains why kids were scared of Barney at parties. Different energy in different Barney's.

— Dee Dee 99,000 years of Neuromelanin Goddess (@deedeehttr) January 23, 2018

Sorry about this news, but I couldn’t know alone. I am scarred.

h/t Twitchy