Garrison Keillor Suggests Women Have Tried To Touch His Butt

Defending yourself: Here’s how NOT to do it.

Earlier today, news broke that Minnesota Public Radio fired Garrison Keillor over “allegations of his inappropriate behavior with an individual who worked with him.”

Keillor has responded to the news in an…interesting way. He sent an email to the Star Tribune, explaining the situation.

“I put my hand on a woman’s bare back,” he explained. “I meant to pat her back after she told me about her unhappiness and her shirt was open and my hand went up it about six inches. She recoiled. I apologized. I sent her an email of apology later and she replied that she had forgiven me and not to think about it. We were friends. We continued to be friendly right up until her lawyer called.”

That actually sounds like a pretty solid explanation.

“Getting fired is a real distinction in broadcasting and I’ve waited fifty years for the honor. All of my heroes got fired. I only wish it could’ve been for something more heroic,” he joked.

Then it got a little weird.

Then he turned more serious: “Anyone who ever was around my show can tell you that I was the least physically affectionate person in the building. Actors hug, musicians hug, people were embracing every Saturday night left and right, and I stood off in the corner like a stone statue.

“If I had a dollar for every woman who asked to take a selfie with me and who slipped an arm around me and let it drift down below the beltline, I’d have at least a hundred dollars. So this is poetic irony of a high order. But I’m just fine. I had a good long run and am grateful for it and for everything else.”

It kinda sorta sounds like he’s suggesting that women wanted to grab his butt. Now, I’m not a butt grabber myself, but if I were, his would be on the last page of my list. Just keepin’ it real. 

Who among us could long resist the erotic gravitational pull of Garrison Keillor’s ass

— Patrick Lewis (@plewis1956) November 29, 2017

Dead.

h/t Star Tribune