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November 26, 2017Certain stories remind me that I absolutely hate people and that I want to buy some land in Montana or Idaho, rescue some horses and goats and never see anyone ever again.
This is one of those stories.
A dude was arrested after putting his own semen on basically everything he could get his nasty little hands on.
SANTA ANA, Calif. – A man was charged with battery and attempted vandalism for ejaculating multiple times into his female coworker’s water bottles, putting semen into her honey jar, and smearing semen on her computer mouse and keyboard.
At the time of the crimes, Stevens Millancastro (AKA Stevens Millan), 27, worked with the victim, Jane Doe, since 2014.
Two times between November and December 2016, the defendant is accused of masturbating at their office in La Palma and putting his semen in the victim’s honey jar.
Between Nov. 24, 2016, and Jan. 13, 2017, Jane Doe consumed the contaminated honey approximately every other day without knowing it contained the defendant’s semen.
HOLD UP. VOMIT BREAK!
There’s a “honey jar” joke in here somewhere… I just don’t have the energy.
During that time, Millan is also accused of ejaculating into the victim’s water bottle on two separate occasions.
The victim noticed the water looked cloudy and threw the bottles away each time.
On Jan. 9, 2017, the victim noticed a third water bottle on her desk appeared to be contaminated with semen and reported the incident to her supervisor, who set up a surveillance camera in her office.
How did she know it was contaminated with semen? How did she even think to look?
GOOD GOD, DO I HAVE TO CHECK EVERY WATER BOTTLE FOR SEMEN NOW?!
On Jan. 13, 2017, Jane Doe sat at her desk and touched her computer mouse, which was smeared with semen.
The defendant is accused of appearing on surveillance footage going into the victim’s office prior to the incident.
Jane Doe reported the crimes to the La Palma Police Department, who investigated this case and arrested Millan today, Nov. 21, 2017.The defendant is accused of appearing on surveillance footage going into the victim’s office prior to the incident.
UGH UGH UGH UGH UGH UGH UGH
PS How did it take this long to get this creep arrested?!?!?! HE JIZZED IN HER FREAKING HONEY JAR.
I QUIT. I QUIT THIS WORLD.
I’M DONE.
