Red Dawn’s Official Naughty List: Christmas 2016 Edition

It’s officially winter. Christmas is right around the corner. It’s bittersweet. I love this time of year, but it goes by too quickly. I don’t feel like I’ve had enough time to properly enjoy it. (Don’t worry. I’m planning on making up for it this weekend.)

But before I slip into a food coma, I thought it’d be fun to create my own naughty list. If I were Santa, these people wouldn’t even get coal. I’d stuff their stockings with piles of dung. (Actually, that might be too useful. They could use it as fertilizer. Help me out. What’s worse than a Christmas dung pile?)

So here it is: Red Dawn’s Naughty List: Christmas 2016 Edition

1. The DNC: They rigged the entire election against Bernie Sanders. Nice adults don’t do that!

2. Hillary Clinton: Shouldn’t this one be obvious? She transmitted classified information on a private email server and lied about it repeatedly. And after she was caught in those lies, she continued to lie and called her critics deplorables. And on election night, she allegedly became physically violent and slapped around her staff. Santa doesn’t approve of violence.

3. Lena Dunham: She said she wishes she had an abortion. Out loud. And sure, she apologized (kinda) and plans to make a sizable donation to a pro-abortion group as part of her apology. Because nothing says, “I’m sorry for joking about dead babies!” like donating to an organization that helps women murder their own babies. Also, Dunham’s Halloween costume was horrendous.

4. Nancy Pelosi: After the left’s devastating loss, Pelosi had the stones to say that Americans don’t want to go into a new direction. No one can be that delusional. At least, not without smoking something. Santa doesn’t approve of smoking things. Naughty list for her.

5. Andrea Mitchell: She compromised her journalistic integrity by allowing Hillary’s campaign staffers to feed her questions. Also, she looked at Hillary like this:

6. Kurt Eichenwald: While Santa likely enjoyed the pathetic meltdown he had on Tucker Carlson’s show, he doesn’t approve of his post-interview behavior. Spreading lies isn’t cool.

7. Colin Kaepernick: He praised Fidel Castro. He didn’t vote. He kneeled for the National Anthem. Plus, he’s a terrible quarterback. There’s so much wrong with this guy that his actions might roll over to the new year and land him on RD’s Naughty List: Christmas 2017 edition.

8. John Podesta: He’s a slimeball who refused to say that the election was “free and fair.” Enough said.

9. Amy Schumer: Where to even begin? How about how she got naked to “fight” against gun violence? That’s a pretty good place to start.

10. Beyoncé: Her whole Black Panthers Super Bowl tribute? Yeah. ‘Nuff said.

11. Kim Jong-Un: He’s a brutal/oppressive/murderous dictator. Also, this haircut is a crime against humanity.

12. Salon.com: Blaming bombs on Donald Trump? Blaming white people for mass gun violence? Defending pedophilia as a sexual orientation? Yeeaaahhh.

13. Michelle Obama: She was extra insufferable this year. Remember when she said she was “shaken” to the core over Trump’s decade-old lewd comments but continued to support a woman who targeted her rapist husband’s victims? Good times.

14. Trigglypuff: Remember Trigglypuff? The insufferable Social Justice Warrior who interrupted Milo Yiannopoulos’ event at the University of Massachusetts?

15. All the losers who made up fake hate crimes to make Trump supporters/conservatives look bad: Which you can read about here, here, here, here, here, here and here.

16. Kim Kardashian: She visited Cuba this year and marveled at how cool it was. It was like she “stepped back into a different time period” or something.  Anyone that stupid deserves to be on the naughty list.

17. Joy Behar: She said she had the hots for Bernie Sanders, which, ew. She also called Bill Clinton’s accusers tramps.

18. The entire mainstream media: MSNBC, CNN, ABC, NBC, the New York Times– you name it. They completely dismissed Trump and ignored Hillary’s many, many faults. Speaking of lying news outlets…

19. The Huffington Post: Who could forget their editor’s note?

“Editor’s note: Donald Trump regularly incites political violence and is a serial liar, rampant xenophobe, racist, misogynist and birther who has repeatedly pledged to ban all Muslims — 1.6 billion members of an entire religion — from entering the U.S.”

(The editor’s note is no more, but it’s too late. They still thought it was a good idea in the first place.)

20. Everyone who lost their minds over the death of Harambe: It was a gorilla. A child is more important than a gorilla. Get over it.

Are there more to add? Absolutely. But I don’t have two weeks to finish the list, so go ahead and help me complete it in the comment section! Who are we missing?