Woman Raised By Lesbians Just Said Something Very Unexpected

When Heather Barwick was just a toddler, her mom left her father and moved in with her female partner. Barwick was raised by the two women but admitted something was missing. She wrote a controversial essay for The Federalist titled, “Dear Gay Community: Your Kids Are Hurting.” It’s worth a read, because it’s so genuine. And it’s not coming from some chick who’s speaking out on the issue based on book knowledge. She experienced it. She lived it.

I’m writing to you because I’m letting myself out of the closet: I don’t support gay marriage. But it might not be for the reasons that you think.

While she said she loved her mom’s partner very much, it didn’t fulfill her longing to have her father in her life.

It’s not because you’re gay. I love you, so much. It’s because of the nature of the same-sex relationship itself.

It’s only now, as I watch my children loving and being loved by their father each day, that I can see the beauty and wisdom in traditional marriage and parenting.

Growing up, and even into my 20s, I supported and advocated for gay marriage. It’s only with some time and distance from my childhood that I’m able to reflect on my experiences and recognize the long-term consequences that same-sex parenting had on me. And it’s only now, as I watch my children loving and being loved by their father each day, that I can see the beauty and wisdom in traditional marriage and parenting.

Same-sex marriage and parenting withholds either a mother or father from a child while telling him or her that it doesn’t matter. That it’s all the same. But it’s not. A lot of us, a lot of your kids, are hurting. My father’s absence created a huge hole in me, and I ached every day for a dad. I loved my mom’s partner, but another mom could never have replaced the father I lost.

She said the idea that same sex marriage is the same as traditional marriage is a lie.

I’m not saying that you can’t be good parents. You can. I had one of the best. I’m also not saying that being raised by straight parents means everything will turn out okay. We know there are so many different ways that the family unit can break down and cause kids to suffer: divorce, abandonment, infidelity, abuse, death, etc. But by and large, the best and most successful family structure is one in which kids are being raised by both their mother and father.

But this is one of the sections that struck me the most. She wrote that, “Gay marriage doesn’t just redefine marriage, but also parenting. It promotes and normalizes a family structure that necessarily denies us something precious and foundational. It denies us something we need and long for, while at the same time tells us that we don’t need what we naturally crave. That we will be okay. But we’re not. We’re hurting.”

She nails it. It’s not just about opposing a lifestyle choice. Honestly, I don’t care what people do in their private lives. That’s totally their prerogative. And I remain convinced that conservatives only push back so hard on homosexual issues because liberals are constantly trying to shove the politically correct pronouns, gender identities, and family structure down our throats. When that’s happening on a daily basis, you can’t help but expect the opposition to go on defense.

As a conservative, I believe that the traditional family structure is a fundamental building block of our society. It’s essential, really. I firmly believe that the breakdown of the traditional family is one of the primary reasons this country is so screwed up right now.

This isn’t about hate at all. I know you understand the pain of a label that doesn’t fit and the pain of a label that is used to malign or silence you. And I know that you really have been hated and that you really have been hurt. I was there, at the marches, when they held up signs that said, “God hates fags” and “AIDS cures homosexuality.” I cried and turned hot with anger right there in the street with you. But that’s not me. That’s not us.

I know this is a hard conversation. But we need to talk about it. If anyone can talk about hard things, it’s us. You taught me that.