Breaking News: Whoopi Goldberg Has the Poops—Regularly

A memory of my grandpa that still makes me laugh involves him mistakenly calling Whoopi Goldberg “Poopy” Goldberg. Well, it turns out Grandpa wasn’t too far off, as Whoopi apparently has “poopy days all the time.”

Yay fiber?

The Daily Wire reports:

Responding to Biden’s objectively poor performance over the last two weeks — and the subsequent calls even from Democrats to find a replacement for the president ahead of the 2024 election — Goldberg made it clear that she was not ready to give up on Biden.

“I don’t care if he’s pooped his pants. I don’t care if he can’t put a sentence together. Show me he can’t do the job, and then I’ll say, okay, maybe it’s time to go,” Goldberg explained. “Now, he had a bad night the first time that he went out and debated with Kamala Harris, and everybody wanted him to quit then, said you can’t talk to women like that, so you’re doing this wrong, you’re doing that wrong.”

“He came back, said you know what, I got it, and gave four years. So yeah, I have poopy days all the time. All the time,” Goldberg continued, giving no indication as to whether she meant that literally or figuratively. “I step in so much poo you can’t even imagine. Now, I’m not running the world, but I don’t know anybody who doesn’t step in … stuff at some point.”

First off…ew.

Second, watching the media try to rationalize their candidate pooping his pants in public is probably the highlight of my year so far.

I, for one, am all for this. Biden is their guy—their pooping, stair-tripping guy. They should stick with him as their candidate. He is for DEMOCRACY, after all. Never mind those poops, or his inability to answer a question coherently, we have a country to save!

But seriously…Putin is probably watching all this unfold right now. #WeInDanger

Watch Poopy—I mean Whoopi—talk about her bowel movements below: