San Francisco is Having Issues with Pirates. Yes. Seriously.

If you didn’t have “San Fran Pirates” on your 2023 Bingo Card, you clearly underestimated how stupid the Bay Area has gotten.

It seems that when the criminals of Frisco get tired of busting out car windows and pooping on sidewalks, they also enjoy Grand Theft Auto-ing some yachts.

New York Post reports:

Houseboat and yacht residents in the San Francisco Bay have sounded off about incidents of piracy skyrocketing by marauders pillaging and plundering from their watercrafts — and even stealing entire boats as The Golden City faces a crime crisis.

“The open shoreline of the [Oakland-Alameda] Estuary is littered with sunken wrecks and derelict, end-of-life vessels, and crime has risen to truly intolerable levels,” former harbormaster Brock de Lappe said during a San Francisco Bay Conservation and Development Commission enforcement meeting, according to a Monday Fox News Digital report.

“Multiple vessels have been stolen and ransacked. Victims have had to resort to personally confronting the criminals to recover their property without the benefit of police support. Is this appropriate activity for a 79-year-old senior?”

Color me shocked. The San Francisco police can’t handle dry land, so naturally criminals are going to be emboldened to try their hands at watercraft.

Meanwhile, I’m sure Nancy Pelosi is enjoying some $12-a-pint ice cream from her $24,000 freezer while her district burns on land and sea. After 36 years in office, I’m starting to get a sinking (geddit?) suspicion that Pelosi isn’t going to do anything about crime.

But hey, the only way to be sure is to elect good ole’ Nance one more time in 2024, right, California?