Terrorist Attack Halted with Fire Extinguisher, Narwhal Tusk

On Friday, a man who was later identified as having ties with terrorist groups carried out a knife attack in London, near London Bridge. Two were killed and several more injured before members of the public were able to tackle and detain the man until police arrived and shot him dead.

This is a multifaceted story with a lot to mourn and a lot to celebrate. Of course, we all feel very deeply for the victims and their families and wish them all healing and comfort, and I hope the remainder of this article doesn’t take away from that. But this incident is a story of heroism as well, and I want to celebrate the people who helped take this sick son of a slime mold down before he could hurt more innocent passersby.

Mostly, I want to celebrate these men.

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Reports indicate that the attack began in Fishmongers’ Hall, a historic building with thematic artefacts and historical items.

A man identified only as Luckasz worked at Fishmongers and was there when the knife attack started. The attacker was allegedly moving toward Luckasz and threatening to blow himself up using an explosive device he claimed was strapped to his body. The attacker cut Luckasz’s hand, according to a witness: “Being stabbed didn’t stop him giving him a beating. Luckasz is a hero.”

Luckasz and others chased the attacker onto the street. Luckasz grabbed a narwhal tusk that was hanging on the wall at Fishmongers’ Hall to use against the attacker. One of his colleagues used a fire extinguisher.

Yer man took a F*CKING NARWHAL TUSK OFF THE WALL TO ATTACK SOMEONE HE THOUGHT HAD A SUICIDE BOMB. In a sweep of the room, looking for something formidable, he settled on A NARWHAL TUSK.

I want to know if he spent slow days staring at the artefacts and often imagined himself fencing with that tusk should some robber or wayward criminal stumble into Fishmongers’ Hall, or if in a moment of adrenaline-induced action his roving eyes scanned the room like the Terminator before they snapped to the narwhal tusk and zoomed in, with a little green light blinking in the periphery. Either way, he is the most important man in England.

But now for the other best part of the story:

Gary Lawrence, 48, told The Times of London what he saw during the attack.

“About three or four guys came out of that building,” Lawrence said. “One had a stick. Another had a fire extinguisher. He was brandishing it at first, then spraying it [at the attacker]. The guy with the stick was poking him. They approached the knifeman at the north end of the bridge and he stood swiping his knives, one in each hand, around him.”

You’re facing danger, possibly death. You grab a fire extinguisher. It’s sturdy, heavy, it could knock a guy out flat. You chase the suspect, “brandishing it,” and when you get close, what do you do?

You spray the terrorist with a damn FIRE EXTINGUISHER.

This is, quite genuinely, the most British f*cking thing I have ever heard of in my entire life. Not only was their instinct to spray/poke a man wielding two knives and a suicide bomb (the vest is suspected now to have been a fake, but they likely didn’t realize that at the time), but it WORKED.

I am grateful for the Second Amendment and wouldn’t want to live without it, but as they say, necessity is the mother of invention. I’m heartened to see that human ingenuity and bravery will triumph.