Cuddle Therapist Accused Of Sexual Misconduct For Inserting Nipular Area Into Cuddle Client’s Mouth.

If you’d have asked me 10 years ago if my Actual Job would have entailed writing that headline, never in my wildest dreams would I have said yes. But it’s 2019, and there are cuddle therapists now, and apparently, according to this, nipular areas are “ending up” in clients’ mouths in Arizona.

For real. That’s the headline on this, you guys.

It just “ended up” there.  It was like a wayward nipple. It was a nipple gone rogue.

Here’s the story. Susanne Woodward, a “professional cuddle therapist,” has a spa in Tempe.  Susanne is also a qualified masseuse, but in addition to regular massage, she charges $80 for cuddle sessions, which is now a thing.  It’s an unregulated thing, but it’s a thing. She claims she “produces magic” when she holds her clients.

In this particular case, a female client of Susanne’s had four sessions with her, and the client specifically requested nudity, in order to help her cope with sexual trauma.

I know.  I don’t get it either.

Anyway, the woman said in her official complaint that she told Susanne it had always been her dream to be held naked by a woman.

Aim high?

Susanne agreed, but only if the client promised not to tell anyone.

During the fourth cuddle session, the client got undressed and Susanne allegedly told her to rest her head on her boobs, and according to the interview the client gave to the Arizona Republic, Susanne then instructed her to suck on her nipple, explaining that she was “channeling nurturing energy to her through her breast.”

Susanne’s story is slightly different, in that she says it was the client who instigated the Actual Suckling, and it was completely consensual. In fact, Susanne claims, the client was grateful afterwards and nothing seemed amiss.

According to the client, it wasn’t until she got home that she realized the “severity” of what Susanne had done.  I mean, how dare that rogue nipple just attack her mouth like that!

I am laughing so hard as I’m writing this, you guys.  This is so 2019.

Anyway, the client went to local police, but they told her literally nothing illegal took place.  And since cuddle therapy isn’t regulated, Susanne’s atty was able to argue to the state massage board that this incident didn’t take place during a massage, only a cuddle session, so really, the board had no jurisdiction over it. And the board agreed, probably so they could just rid themselves of this entire issue, since it’s completely wack.

Now? Susanne still gets to be a licensed massage therapist, but she does have to keep her massage website separate from her cuddling website.

No word on what’s become of the traumatized client, but if you’re a person who requests naked cuddling sessions with someone, consider this your warning to be on the lookout for rogue nipples.