Clown Show Part Two: The Reckoning.

Ho.

Lee.

Crap.

Last night’s debate was absolutely all over the place, and so this post will likely be too. Naturally, because nothing makes sense and everything is weird, when I went to bed last night the Drudge poll showed Tulsi Gabbard as the debate winner, even though it took her like two hours to even decide to really show up.  She was weak and too scripted (although completely STUNNING in that white suit) UP UNTIL she went after Kamala Harris in one of the most delicious attacks EVER.  She totally demolished Kamala’s record as AG, and it infuriated Kamala so much that I thought we were about to see an Actual Cat Fight.

Speaking of which, Kamala is a raging bitch, you guys.  I’m sorry to be so blunt, but she was out of control last night.  Back to her in a second.

You knew the evening was going to be completely lit as soon as people on the internet started freaking out about how Biden greeted Kamala: “Go easy on me, kid,” he said to her.  I didn’t even flinch at the remark, because it totally goes with Joe’s old timey, touchy feely, instantly familiar character.  Not to mention the fact that he’s like three decades older than she is.  But the internet flinched.  People were all, “OMG SO CONDESCENDING” and freaking out about it.  Kamala later reported she wasn’t bothered by the comment (and good for her for saying so), but yeah.  That was how the evening started.

And then?  Di Blasio’s OPENING STATEMENT included a hit on Biden.  Holy crap.  It also included his now apparent signature line, “We’re gonna tax the hell out of the wealthy.” Just sit on that for a second.  We live in a time where saying something like that is an Actual Campaign line, and not something you hope the public doesn’t hear you say out loud.

After he spoke, and when it was time for Cory Booker’s opening remarks, the first protesters of the night started throwing a tantrum, screaming, “Fire Pantaleo!” until they were kicked out.

When Michael Bennett opened, I seriously questioned whether or not he was high.  You guys, he sounds perpetually high.  I mean, maybe that’s just his voice, but it’s not a good voice.  It’s a voice of someone who sounds completely baked.  You know who he totally reminded me of?

Kirsten Gillibrand was laughable, especially when she delivered the line she was clearly super excited to deliver:  “When I become president, the first thing I’m gonna do is Clorox the Oval Office.  The second thing I’m gonna do is…” It doesn’t matter what the 2nd thing was (I think it had something to do with climate change), because that first part was so colossally DUMB that I was legit embarrassed for her.  She was a disaster. And she was absolutely HORRIFIC when she went after Biden for some dumb op-ed he wrote centuries ago about how women working outside the home could be detrimental to the family. He handled her attack well, and she looked really petty and stupid for harping on it.  UTTER DISASTER. OH – and there was a moment where she admitted, OUT LOUD, that Trump has been the only president to enforce existing immigration laws.  Anyone else catch that?

In Andrew Yang’s opening statement, he said he was gonna give everyone $1000 a month and explain how to pay for it.  He never explained how it would be paid for, but by golly he answered EVERY SINGLE QUESTION by saying he was going to give everyone $1000 a month.  He sounded like a one trick pony the entire night.  Folks on Twitter tried to tell me he has all kinds of thoughtful policy information on his website, but I’m not going to his website.  He had a chance to talk about more than his freedom dividend all night long, and he didn’t.  When pressed on how he’d deal with Iran’s threat right now, he said he’d “de-escalate tensions” which is actually not a Real Plan.  I was waiting for him to say he’d start giving Iranians $1000 a month.  But he’s an Asian dude who likes math (his words), and he doesn’t wear a tie, so people think he’s cool.

Cory Booker had a pretty good night. He even got to say, “Sh*thole” live on the air. There was also the moment when he told Biden that he was “stepping into the Koolaid without knowing the flavor” which drew a big laugh, but I thought he really was most effective when he said to Biden, “You invoke President Obama more than anybody in this campaign. You can’t do it when it’s convenient and dodge it when it’s not.”  ZING.  And he was right, actually. Biden can’t help himself.  All he wanted to talk about was Obamacare, and it was rather fascinating that everyone on stage basically was ATTACKING OBAMACARE.  I mean, talk about feeling like we’re living in an alternative universe.  Who’d have ever seen that coming?  Anyway, it was a solid attack from Booker, and Joe didn’t handle it well. There wa a moment when Booker said that Democrats lost Michigan to Trump because of Russia and black vote suppression, and I actually LOLd.

Kamala went after Biden early and often, but this time, instead of it elevating her, I felt like she just looked bitchy and mean and unlikable. And she was clearly furious whenever anyone went after her.  There was a moment when she said she visited an immigrant detention center in Homestead Florida and was horrified to see that there were kids lining up by gender and entering barracks, as if that was somehow a humanitarian crisis.  I have to wonder what homeless people and military folks thought about that. She’s a detestable person, but I think her campaign is far from over.  There’s no doubt she’s still in the top ranks.

Julian Castro was there and said some stuff.  He tried to get scrappy with Biden at one point and it felt like he was a teenager talking back to his parent.  I don’t think he’s gonna last much longer.

Biden counts in every single answer.  Number one, it’s just his style.  And number two, it buys him some time to come up with stuff.  <– See what I did there?  That’s how he answered every question.  He also said the attacks on Obamacare were a bunch of malarkey, so that was fun.

I don’t know that there was a clear winner from that debacle.  There were moments where the candidates shined and then immediately stepped on their own feet – for pretty much all of them.

Oh yeah – Jay Inslee was there too and he’s an idiot.

I think that about covers it.

Thoughts?