‘Aquaman’ Has Me Rethinking My Entire Stance On Man Buns
Jim Carrey Is Getting Increasingly Creepy
December 29, 2018
AOC Is MAAAAD That A Republican “Tried To Mansplain Her Own Childhood”
December 30, 2018I’m sorry. I hate that it has come to this, but I can’t keep this to myself any longer.
I think I might be modifying my previous position on man buns. (Please keep in mind that I’m speaking PURELY for myself here. I have not consulted Mock, Daisy or Kimber on this.)
You see, I saw “Aquaman” in theaters last night. I’m a sucker for superhero movies anyway, but let’s also not lie to ourselves. Jason Momoa isn’t a twerpy little shrimp. His character is super manly, and I’m not just talking physically. He has that rough I-don’t-give-a-crap attitude. There’s no mistaking him for a lady or lady wanna-be.
There were a few scenes in the movie where he was sporting the almighty manbun, and folks…it was…not a bad look.
I’M SORRY I’M SORRY. PLEASE HEAR ME OUT.
Man buns– not to be confused with samurai buns (that’s a totally different can of worms)– are almost always out of the question. But maybe– just MAYBE– there are certain cases in which the traditional man bun is permissible.
WAIT PLEASE DON’T GO. I have proof!
— Hannah Bleau (@hannahbleau_) December 29, 2018
See what I’m saying?
I’m not sure what that “it” factor is, but there’s a certain something that a dude needs to emulate in order to get away with wearing a man bun. This goes far beyond a muscular exterior (although that doesn’t hurt). Perhaps it’s about the general attitude of the man.
Until we figure out what that “certain something” is, let’s stick to these general rules:
1.) If you even THINK that people would mistake you for a lady by sporting a bun, tap out.
2.) If you have to stare at yourself in the mirror for longer than 10 seconds in order to achieve the right looking bun, tap out.
3.) If you have both sides of your head shaved and just have that ridiculous patch on the top of your head, DO NOT- I REPEAT DO NOT– tie that patch into a bun. It doesn’t matter how manly you may look on the exterior. That’s almost unforgivable.
4.) If you look like this after tying your hair up into a man bun…
— Danielle Bleau (@_daniellebleau) December 29, 2018
…tap out.
Let’s recap:
YES:
— Hannah Bleau (@hannahbleau_) December 29, 2018
NO:
NO:
NO:
DEFINITELY NOT:
YES:
I realize most people will disagree with me on this highly controversial issue. If you’re with me, help a sister out. What IS it that makes man buns acceptable in extremely rare cases? Is it the existence of a beard? Is facial hair a must? Is that it? WHAT IS IT?
I DON’T KNOW.
