Piers Morgan ‘Applies’ To Be President Trump’s Next Chief Of Staff

Piers Morgan is one of those people who can be so wrong about basic things– like the entire concept of Second Amendment– and so right about others– like PC culture ruining the planet.

I have mixed feelings about him constantly.

Believe it or not, Morgan decided to write a big ol’ open letter to President Trump, formally applying to be the next chief of staff.

Dear Mr President,

I wish to formally apply to be your new Chief of Staff.

You might not immediately recognize what qualities I have for such a massive job in your administration, especially following a hugely respected war hero like General John Kelly.

But the key thing is to have someone at your side that understands you, has known you a long time, likes you and commands your respect.

When you made me your first Celebrity Apprentice a decade ago, you told me in the live NBC finale: ‘Piers, you’re a vicious guy. I’ve seen it. You’re tough. You’re smart. You’re probably brilliant, I’m not sure. You’re certainly not diplomatic. But you did an amazing job and you beat the hell out of everybody – you’re my Celebrity Apprentice.’

Let’s be honest, what more could you possibly want from your Chief of Staff? You could have been talking about yourself!

At first I thought, “Wow. Good joke.” But as I read further, he got a little too serious.

He went on to list 10 reasons Trump should choose him. I’ll give you the highlights. You can read his full list here.

1) You need someone who will look you in the eye and tell you when you’re being an idiot. Seriously. Because sometimes you do dumb things like separating children from their parents at borders, or blaming forestry managers as people are dying in wildfires, and you need someone with the balls to tell you that. I’d have the balls, because I know it’s a myth you can’t handle the truth.

2) You need a CoS that will surround the Oval Office with loyal people who like and respect you, not the type of ghastly, untrustworthy reptiles like Omarosa Manigault Newman who you invited into your home with the same kind of inexplicable, self-destructive recklessness a mother hen displays when she invites a fox into the coop to babysit the chicks.

3) You shouldn’t send a single tweet without discussing it first with your Chief of Staff. I know, I know, you love Twitter and the unrestricted freedom to spew whatever’s going through your head at any given time. It’s made you the most transparent president in history – we literally know exactly what you’re thinking in real time. But too often you become your own worst enemy by seeming to not even take a beat before pressing SEND, and posting something inaccurate, needlessly inflammatory or pointlessly petty.

4) I’d focus on getting your actual achievements more coverage. You have a good story to tell when it comes to stuff like the economy, jobs, peace talks with North Korea, trade with China (you’re winning that war..), and NATO (rightly) paying more of its bills. But it’s all getting lost in the wall of negative noise engulfing your presidency. You were great at ramming home simple messages during your election campaign.

5) You need a CoS who gets on with Ivanka and Jared, and encourages you to listen to them as much as possible. I do, because I see them as a great asset to you, not a hindrance.

6) You need to stop your silly war with CNN. I know some of my former colleagues have become annoyingly (and in my view, unfairly) partisan against you, and that bashing them goes down well with your base. But it’s such a waste of time and energy, and constantly calling them ‘enemy of the people’ is downright dangerous.

7) As Obama’s former CoS, Rahm Emmanuel, said this week, you need a ‘true wartime consigliere’ like Robert Duvall’s character Tom Hagen in The Godfather. Things are about to get ferociously nasty as Robert Mueller prepares his report into all things Russia. You don’t want a CoS who’s not up for a scrap. As I think my Twitter feed suggests, I love a scrap.

8) Use Melania more. She’s become a very popular electoral asset, who has barely put a foot wrong since becoming First Lady, despite all the awful lurid scandals and gossip she’s had to endure.

9) You can actually save money for the country by hiring me. I don’t need the salary and in fact, I’d literally pay to work for you.

10) You need someone whose reputation won’t be remotely tarnished by working with you and who won’t mind in the slightest if you suddenly fire him. I’ve been fired from big jobs before and always found it both character-building and financially lucrative. So don’t worry about finally doing what you never did in 2008 and telling me: ‘Piers, you’re fired.’ Been there, read the book, seen the play, survived and thrived.

I’m available for interview with immediate effect.

Kind regards

Yours sincerely,

Piers

Watch Trump blow all of our minds– Piers’ included– and select him.

With Trump, it wouldn’t surprise me.