5 YEAR OLD Tests Positive For METH After Eating Halloween Candy

I FREAKING HATE PEOPLE.

So… Halloween was my FAAAAVORITE growing up. And I LOVED trick or treating. I ate the candy as we went. (Not all of it, mind you) There was just never a fear that people were trying to hurt me – and they weren’t. I grew up in Mexico, and while trick-or-treating isn’t really a thing there, my neighborhood was mostly American expats and Mexicans who were super pro-American culture (living around all the expats and all) so we had trick-or-treating.

My parents didn’t have to worry about me eating razor blades…

and they DEFINITELY didn’t worry about me accidentally eating METH.

Because, apparently, that’s ANOTHER thing parents have to worry about now.

According to Fox News:

A 5-year-old boy in Ohio is expected to make a full recovery after he ate a piece of Halloween candy that was possibly laced with drugs. Braylen Carwell, who was hospitalized for a suspected seizure and later tested positive for methamphetamines, had gone trick-or-treating on Sunday before he suddenly fell ill.

WHAT. THE. F*CK.

“The left side of his face was just droopy and then he fell and then he couldn’t move his left arm,” Julia Pence, the boy’s mother, told WSYX-TV. “And he didn’t know where he was, he didn’t know what he was doing.”

If I was that kid’s mom, I’d be personally hunting the SOB that did this down. TRICK or treat, MOFO.

The Galion Police Department, which is investigating the incident, collected the boy’s candy and fake vampire teeth that he had been wearing. The department issued a warning on Facebook to other residents in the town reminding parents to check their child’s candy and other non-candy items like rings, bracelets, necklaces or fake teeth.

“If you suspect that anything has been tampered with, please contact our department by phone so that an officer can stop and collect the items,” the department’s post said.

The department is aware of the area that Braylen was trick-or-treating in, and said it hadn’t gotten any other reports of potential tampering.

Thank GOD. I hope they don’t pop up… People in the area should just dump everything. To be safe.

The boy’s mother said she’s counting her blessings that she “got to bring my son home okay and alive,” adding that she can still see the effects of the drug in her son.

“You can tell he is still coming down from it,” she told the news outlet. “Because one minute he is all hyper and the next minute he is tired.”

So basically he’s acting like the fine people who hang out in my Walmart parking lot.

Just great.