Are You Privileged Or Oppressed? Cornell University Hands Out A Handy Reference Guide!

Sometimes I lie awake in bed thinking “OMGAWD. AM I A VICTIM?”

I can stop wondering now, because Cornell University has a handy reference sheet for me!

Let’s seeee….

1. I’m a woman. – VICTIM!

2. I’m a woman who knows she’s a woman.

3. I’m half Hispanic. – 1/2 VICTIM!

4. I’m straight.

5. I’m 27. VICTIM!

6. Middle-Class FANCY.

7. I have two masters degrees.

8. Catholic born and raised. Amen.

9. Born in Mexico – VICTIM!

10. Raised by my parents- who were married until I went to college.

11. Not disabled.

12. Didn’t we already do this?  PS I’d like to note that the examples listed are NATIONALITIES, not ethnicities, you flaming morons. – 1/2 VICTIM!

13. Well… this is awkward. But I’m too short to reach my cabinets so – VICTIM!

14. I think my English be hella good.

15. I’m not married, but I live with my boyfriend, which I suppose is a lot like a domestic partnership, so -VICTIM!

Alright folks, turns out I’m 6/15 victim. 40% Victim feels VERY victimized to me, so please make all checks payable to “Victim Ashley.” Thank you.

Ok, but for real – Cornell actually passed this BS out.

According to Campus Reform:

Student ambassadors at Cornell University were given an “orientation packet” ahead of welcoming the incoming freshman class. The packet contains a sheet of categories labeling certain groups as having “privilege” or being “oppressed.”

Campus Reform obtained a copy of the document from a concerned student who felt the content was inappropriate. The sheet outlines social issues and designates certain demographics as privileged or oppressed in a “U.S. Context.” The 15 categories range from gender identity to martial/parental status, education level, and “use of English.”

Over the course of three weeks, Campus Reform gave Cornell University multiple opportunities to confirm or deny the packet was distributed. University spokesman John Carberry eventually responded to Campus Reform on Wednesday but did not deny the student’s account, saying that Cornell “will not be participating” or commenting on the issue.

Here’s my take, as someone who Cornell University considers 40% oppressed… YOU ARE ONLY A VICTIM IF YOU ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE.

You know what TELLING people they’re “oppressed” does? It sets them up for failure. It makes them believe they never had a chance, to begin with.

WE ALL HAVE A CHANCE. That’s why my parents moved me to America – to be the best I could be.

So Cornell, you can keep your 40%. Thanks, but no thanks.

I’ve NEVER been a victim. I never will be.