Today In Florida News… Man Arrested For ‘Wet Willy’

I give Florida a really hard time, but you’ve got to admit…

REALLY WEIRD SH*T goes down in Florida:

Entrepreneurial Florida Man and his wife built a drive-thru window into their trailer… to sell fentanyl. https://t.co/lfXlfBj4q6 pic.twitter.com/NVAwHYt3zz

— Florida Man (@FloridaMan__) August 31, 2018

Florida man suing coach over purple nurple https://t.co/dBSao28O9I pic.twitter.com/aZpAkbmJBL

— Florida Man (@FloridaMan__) August 31, 2018

Florida man charged with putting semen in female colleague’s drink https://t.co/2JRx5QxYsl pic.twitter.com/lEkgmqIzMw

— Florida Man (@FloridaMan__) August 30, 2018

Florida Man Drives a Motorcycle with His Bare Feet https://t.co/HZQSpUsqz3 pic.twitter.com/Zyy0EVhGIk

— Florida Man (@FloridaMan__) August 30, 2018

FloridaMan Swings samurai swords at police officers after his mother calls 911. https://t.co/JXrophnXMi pic.twitter.com/rxwQ8CNz4E

— Florida Man (@FloridaMan__) August 30, 2018

‘That’s What She Said,’ Florida Man Tells Cop After Being Pulled Over and Asked About Bulge https://t.co/Jr2ePfQGXW pic.twitter.com/uSdhJEwBkW

— Florida Man (@FloridaMan__) August 29, 2018

Florida man set his house on fire and sat to watch it burn https://t.co/MBajfykQZC pic.twitter.com/5xl3zXgFho

— Florida Man (@FloridaMan__) August 29, 2018

People often ask me why I became a digital person and not a “field” person.

Simple. ⁦@FloridaMan__⁩ and the #Florida heat kept me indoors and away from the madness 👇🏼 https://t.co/POE5T2m9XC

— Juan Escalante (@JuanSaaa) August 27, 2018

AHHH FLORIDA MAN…what a LEGEND.

So in Keeping with the “WTF, FLORIDA?!” tradition… check out this headline:

BAHAHAHAHAHA. WUUUUT?

Here’s the scoop:

A man in St. Lucie County, Fla., was arrested after allegedly gave his girlfriend a “wet willy” while he was belligerent, an affidavit says.

A local sheriff’s deputy was called to the home of 47-year-old Joseph Sireci in mid-August. The man’s girlfriend claimed that she found Sireci drunk on the living room floor after she returned home from work.

Drunk on the living room floor, huh?

TYPICAL FLORIDA MAN.

According to an affidavit reviewed by the Treasure Coast Newspapers, Sireci went with his girlfriend, who has not been identified, and her daughter to a different person’s home. There, Sireci “continued to  drink and be belligerent,” according to the affidavit.

Girl… you found him drunk on the floor so you drove him and YOUR DAUGHTER to someone else’s house to keep drinking?

#NO.

Then, on the way home, Sireci allegedly grabbed his girlfriend’s hand, pulled her arm and “continued by giving her a ‘wet willy’ sticking his finger in her ear,” the affidavit says, according to the newspaper.

The daughter, whose identity is also unclear at this time, confirmed her mother’s account.

WHAT IN THE ACTUAL HELL?

Who ARE these people?!??!!!

WHO GIVES A BELLIGERENT WET WILLY?!?!?!!!

He was then arrested on a battery charge.

He declined to give a written statement, but said he wasn’t drunk.

Um…that makes it WORSE, my dude.

Then you’re the kind of person who gives “belligerent wet willies” SOBER.

NOT A GOOD THING TO BE.

But apparently… Just another day for Florida Man.