This Is An Actual Allure Magazine Article And It’s Sending A TERRIBLE Message To Dudes.

This is for real, you guys. 

It’s a for real, honest-to-goodness, thorough write-up and list of Actual Instructions on how to take a good-looking dick pic.

Now, if I had written that article, it would have been really short, because it would have simply said, “Don’t.”  Or maybe I would have expanded a little more and said, “NO ONE WANTS DICK PICS YOU FREAK.”

But nope – Allure Magazine wants y’all to know that you should send them (with prior consent, of course), and that you should put effort into making them look good.

I know you’re curious, so here is a quick summary of their very thorough instructions:

1. Get consent, consider fashion (like, don’t send a dick pic wearing only socks, because THAT would be ridiculous)
2. Think about whether or not to show your face (because it could be risky!)
3. Consider ART DIRECTION (like aesthetic and lighting and angles and whatnot)
4. Think about timing (don’t send during business hours!)
5. DO NOT include a ruler in the photo
6. Consider the background (pick up your room, boys!)
7. For crying out loud, don’t take yourself too seriously (draw a smiley face on your manhood! It’ll be so cute!).

For real. Those are the suggestions.

And there’s one additional one – the best for last I suppose – and that is, and I quote, “DO send dick pics if you don’t have a penis.”

Allure says, “Taking a dick pic isn’t just an activity for people with penises to enjoy. Women, trans guys and nonbinary folks can and should (consensually) snap and share dick pics, too — in my opinion, strap-on dick pics are as hot as it gets.”

This wasn’t satire, y’all. I repeat. NOT SATIRE.

If you’re a person who ENJOYS being on the receiving end of dick pics, please explain yourself at once. Because I’ve not yet met a person who enjoys this, so it seems odd to me that we’ve got women’s magazines ENCOURAGING dudes to do this.

Discuss.