This Video Is Giving Me Nightmares

This video has been floating around for a while, but it is making a comeback over the past week, and it’s freaking me out, y’all.  You see, I’m an amateur cyclist.  And by amateur, I’m that chick who still gets wigged out every so often when I’m in a crap-ton of traffic and I’ll occasionally get stuck in a clip and topple over.  It happens.  Still.

Mr. Daisy?  He can ride hands-free and literally talk on the phone going approximately 30 miles an hour like it’s his job.  I’m insanely jealous of his mad cycling prowess, but I keep telling myself that he’s been riding decades more than I have.  He’s been riding since he was in his twenties, for crying out loud.  And me?  I didn’t start riding my road bike until about two years ago, when my orthopedic surgeon told me that running marathons probably wasn’t a good idea, and running in general wasn’t the best workout option after my spinal fusion.  And so cycling became my thing.  But I train mostly indoors, because…well….Indiana weather, y’all.

So when I do get outside – which is like three months a year here, I can sometimes feel like a fish out of water.  But I keep getting on the bike and riding.  Although I’m certain that I would HANG IT THE FREAK UP if I was ever in this situation:

https://www.facebook.com/LADbible/videos/4682676138446206/UzpfSTEzNDE3NjU4MjY6MTAyMTcwMDc0NTUwMDIxOTc/

First of all, I’m a 20 mph girl, so I would’ve been mowed over by this gigantic dino-bird.  And second of all, I would’ve crapped my padded pants.  I am, without question, less afraid of being mauled by a live tiger than I am of an ostrich.  They completely freak me OUT.  They’re not even supposed to be on this earth, I’m convinced.  I feel like God was making some sort of bird prototype and didn’t finish when he made the ostrich.  It’s as if it was like Day 5 and God had the flu that day or something.  But ostriches, man…they are just wack.

If you feel like that video above was too nightmare inducing, here’s a better one set to super cheesy music that makes me giggle a little:

Although I feel like the ostrich needs a really skinny headband and legwarmers and a possible Sylvester Stallone cameo in that one, amirite?

Y’all – it’s bad enough that I am still working on my cycling skillzzzzzzz.  Now I have to be worried about possible assault ostriches?  I mean, you never know.  Someone probably has one as a freaking emotional support animal and it’s just waiting to chase me on a long ride.

Stranger things have happened.