‘Zombie Knives’ Are The New ‘Assault Rifles’

We hate the term “assault rifles,” because it’s not an Actual Thing. It’s a term liberals use to make perfectly normal rifles sound like mass murdering machines. Go ahead and ask a liberal what makes an “assault rife” an “assault” rifle. I guarantee they won’t be able to tell you.

Here are some helpful guides:

“Assault rifles” aren’t the problem. Need proof? Look to London. They kinda sorta have a huge stabbing problem. But instead of going, “Wow. Assault is an action. We have to stop blaming violence on inanimate objects,” progressives are, again, targeting inanimate objects. In fact, the UK is really excited about upcoming “knife control” legislation. This legislation will make it illegal for a person to possess what has now been dubbed “zombie knives.”

“Zombie knives” are the new “assault rifles.” I was casually reading this article on the UK Independent and stumbled upon the term.

New legislation, to be brought forward within weeks, will also make it illegal to possess zombie knives and knuckledusters in private – or any knife on further education premises.

What exactly *is* a zombie knife? Glad you asked! They’re basically scary-looking knives that you might see in a zombie movie. I am not making this up. This is what liberals are saying now. The Sun says these knives “often have serrated edges and words on them which have been accused of glamorizing violence.”

“Zombie knives” as the name suggests are inspired by blades frequently seen in horror films, particularly “zombie apocalypse” movies.

They are regularly marketed as collectors items and can be purchased online for as little as £10.

Coming in bright colours and emblazoned with words like “zombie killer” and “slayer” the large knives look far more intimidating than a normal knife.

You hear that? They look FAR MORE INTIMIDATING!

Several are even sold as “machetes” or “swords” rather than knives.

A website flogging the soon to be banned ornate weapons pitches them a necessary to survive an oncoming “zombie apocalypse”.

This is where we’re at now. We can’t even joke about preparing for the “zombie apocalypse.” Not to mention that there are DOZENS UPON DOZENS of other reasons people own big, “scary-looking” knives. Believe it or not, you can own one and NOT WANT TO STAB PEOPLE.

Home Office minister Sarah Newton said: “This government will act wherever necessary to cut crime and keep our communities safe.

“Zombie killer knives glamorize violence and cause devastating damage – they have no place whatsoever in our society.”

By the way– “zombie knives” aren’t the only weapons getting the boot.

They include sword sticks, butterfly knives and blowpipes, as well as a range of martial arts weapons such as deathstars and handclaws.

Only people having the weapons for bonified ceremonial or religious reasons will be exempt from the ban.

This just goes to show– there’s no end to the stupidity. Is this what you want, America? ‘Cause this is the direction we’re going in. TIGHTEN UP.