Charity Created To Support Danish Virgins Can’t Find Any Virgins To Support

This headline is real news, folks. I am dying laughing. This is my job.

ANYWAY. Let’s discuss this HARD HITTING story.

So let’s be clear… they aren’t looking for ANY virgins. They’re looking for virgins over 40… which according to Steve Carrel, is an anomaly. (It’s a movie, folks. 40 Year Old Virgin. I’m not casting any sort of judgment. REEEELAAAX.)

According to this: </a

A Danish charity that provided support for virgin women over the age of 40 has been forced to change its requirements after being unable to find any virgins to help.

The virgins are GONE, folks. Everyone’s a hooch now.

Linnemanns Jomfrukloster [Linneman’s Virgin Monastery] in Velje, Denmark, was founded in the mid 1800s to help ‘single, worthy and in need virgins over the age of 40’, by offering them housing.

The charity foundation will now provide financial housing support for women in need over the age of 40 – but the ‘virginity’ requirement has been removed.

‘There are not many virgins over 40 in Denmark. We didn’t check them medically, but it was difficult to fulfill the conditions of the foundation,’ Josée Linnemann, a descendant of founder Andreas Linnemann, said according to The Local.

‘I’m maybe something of a feminist, and I think it is fantastic to be able to support women who perhaps have not had the opportunity to get an education or find a job.’

Ok, ok… I’m down with that!

Helping underserved women get educations = GOOD feminism

Telling women they are victims and should be obese in order to literally suffocate the patriarchy = BAAAAAD feminism.

Easy peasy!

Anywhooooo…. the organization goes way back to when there where still tons of virgins:

Linnemanns Jomfrukloster was founded in 1856 and was designed to provide housing for five women in an old monastery – hence the name, despite the organisation having no connection to the Catholic church.

In order to qualify for a place at the monastery the women needed to be unwed virgins over 40 years old, in need of their help and have a ‘proven decent upbringing’.

Finding five such women was not hard in the mid 19th century, however, towards the end of the 20th century the charity began to struggle to find women to help.

As a result, the charity changed the purpose of the scheme in in 2016.

The foundation sold the monastery and will now use the funds raised to financially support women over 40 who fit the description – sans the virgin clause.

Well… Good to know.

Sorry to all you 40 year old virgins out there that were hoping to live there. You’re gonna have to find some non-virginal abode.

Confession: I hummed “Where Have All The Cowboys Gone” to myself as I was writing this post. Only I replaced “Cowboys” with “Virgins.”

This. Is. My. Job.