Attention Men: Please Do Not Put Jewels In Your Beards, Now Or Ever

The emasculation continues.

I’ll admit, this isn’t as bad as RompHims, but it still rubs me the wrong way.

Beard jewelry. It’s a thing. And it’s not even like “tough guy” pirate beads or anything. These are like, sparkly gem studs for beards.

[arve url=”https://www.youtube.com/embed/EYi4MDPRAzU”]

If you’re a dude who has an innate desire to bedazzle your beard, sure. That’s your prerogative. I just don’t think I’ll ever be able to take you seriously.

I actually just called a beard expert on this matter. He asked for more information on the context of this movement. Is it a joke? Are they decorating their beards with ornaments for a Christmas Party contest? That would be acceptable. I then told the expert that this is actually a fashion trend. It is NOT for special occasions exclusively. He said, “In that case, they deserve to be shaved.” And possibly smacked around a little bit.

For the record, the beard expert is my dad.

Say no to the beard jewels, men. It’s shameful.