Attention Townspeople: BOOBS ARE BACK

This is an Actual Headline from the New York Post.

The first sentence reads, “Stand up straight, push out your chest and work that feminine charm, as bountiful boobs are back in style.”

Wait– when exactly did boobs go out of style?

The article goes on to say that the world’s recent fashion trends have been all about “curbing our curves,” but now, that has changed. (I’m assuming they’re referring to the bralette trend, which point taken. Those things offer zero support.) Now you can “welcome the return of the out-and-proud cleavage.”

Again, it’s not clear when cleavage went out of style. Maybe since feminists started ditching bras and shirts altogether? I mean, without support, boobs can sag, therefore, there’s really no cleavage action. So I guess we could blame feminists on the lack of cleavage. Their braless stunts have left us all with a world of disgusting hair-pitted topless sag.

But good news! Celebrities like Rhianna, Emily Ratajkowski and Susan Sarandon are channeling their inner boob power and representing, which means boobs are BACK!

The, ahem, uprising began in May when sensational 70-year-old Susan Sarandon took center stage at the Cannes Film Festival opening night gala.

 

Her fantastically brazen boobs, encased in a green velvet gown, immediately outshone the flat-chested, flesh-flashing millennials. She oozed that old Hollywood glamor that has been missing from red carpets for quite some time.

Here’s a reference–

PHOTOS: 70-Year-Old Susan Sarandon’s Diva Style Entry at Cannes Red Carpet – Ample Cleavage Show
https://t.co/UZTOoehlPo pic.twitter.com/tGL1wdsb0z

— Soha Ali (@SohaAli47533085) May 20, 2017

So flat chested saggy feminists killed boobs, but Susan Sarandon brought them back.

A big-boob movement is happening, and we should embrace it.

 

An uplifted chest means an uplifted mood, after all.

Boobs are back, and not just in any way– in a BIG way.

Whew. That was a close one. You can all relax now.