ATTENTION TOWNSPEOPLE: Condoms Are Going To Save The Environment! Yes, Really.

Have I mentioned lately how bugnuts INSANE environmentalism is?

According to this, the Lincoln Park Zoo in Chicago is holding a special Adults Night Out event. That’s well and good. But during the event, the zoo is planning on bringing AWAAAAARENESS to the fact that humans are so terrible and awful and monstrous when it comes to the environment. And since humans are so bad, it only follows that there should be less of them.

Which brings them to the oh-so-logical step of handing out condoms at this event and encouraging these adults not to have so many kids. Because kids grow up to be adults and adult humans do terrible things that cause climate change and destroy nature and harm poor, defenseless endangered animals. Because curbing human population is the only way we’re going to save the sea otter, don’cha know?

“More conscious family planning can be an effort to help wildlife,” said Sarah Baillie, a population and sustainability intern at the Arizona-based center. More people means a greater strain on natural resources and the potential destruction of animals’ habitats, she said.

The condom packages feature endangered species threatened by population growth as well as rhyming slogans such as “Wrap with care … save the polar bear” and “Before it gets any hotter … remember the sea otter.”

The new educational outreach program, called Pillow Talk, expands upon the condom distribution program that launched in 2009 by trying to reach a wider audience, specifically people at zoos, museums and science centers.

Soooo… now zoos want to guilt people into having fewer kids and policing our private sex lives? Can’t y’all just stick with being obsessed over the sex habits of rhinos or dolphins or something? I mean, I kind of figured these environmentalist whacko types put more value on the life of a baby elephant than a baby human. But even this is going too far.

At the zoo’s adults-only event Thursday, a zoo population biologist will talk about mating and dating in the animal kingdom.

In addition to handing out free condoms, the Center for Biological Diversity will have a Monopoly-like game to show the environmental costs of daily actions and get people to think of small changes they can make to help reduce their carbon footprint, such as taking public transportation, recycling and reducing their meat intake.

“The U.S. population growth rate is not the highest in the world, but we have one of the highest carbon footprints,” Baillie said.

Does this sound weird to anybody else? Or am I the only one thinking that it’s bizarre to get a sex lecture during an evening out where people just want to go see zoo animals?

Yes, there are plenty of reasons for couples to practice safe sex and make plans on when/if they have kids and those reasons are for couples to determine on their own. But the idea of scaring people into not having children because humans are raping and pillaging the planet into oblivion (only three years until doomsday, according to Chelsea Clinton!) is stupid.

If my husband and I want to have one kid or two kids or eight kids, that’s our business. The polar bears and whooping cranes can deal with it (and I’m sure they will do just fine).