Some SJW Would Like All You Straight Chicks To Stop Using The Word “Girlfriend”

Some writer named Piper wrote this “article” about how straight chicks shouldn’t be allowed to call our heterosexual friends – who are females (and I’m not going to stop calling women that either), mind you – “girlfriends” anymore.  Perhaps she feels as though it’s somehow appropriating lesbian culture?  (Even though straight women have been using the word “girlfriend” for eons.)

Oh, but this “article,” y’all.  And I am air-quoting that so hard right now, I just got a rotator cuff injury.

According to Piper, “any self-respecting, non-straight woman would never use the word “girlfriend” to designate a platonic friend.”  And so she doesn’t want heterosexual women to use the word “girlfriend” for their platonic friends, either.

Gauntlet thrown.

Her reasons?  One, the “signals for lesbianism” just aren’t clear these days, apparently.  I mean, lesbians don’t wear signs around their necks that say, “Hey there, I sleep with women!”

Reading women’s sexuality is already impossible. Go to any gay club and you’ll find mostly gay men dancing to Rihanna. Go on a women’s night, or to a lesbian bar specifically, and you’ll see women who look every which way. Some have undercuts, rings of keys and cut-off tank tops. Others are in short floral dresses and look like they could be dating a football player.

Don’t you seeeeeee?  According to Piper, lesbians are suuuuuper confused, y’all.  They just can’t SPOT OTHER LESBIANS IN THE PACK OMG.  Their poor, wittle lesbian brains just can’t deal with all the sifting and sorting and UGH OMG IT’S JUST SO HAAAARD to find other lesbians!  Especially when straight chicks are using the word “girlfriend.”  Can’t you SEEE?

(Side note:  Based on this article alone, I’m going to bet that Piper’s contribution to lesbians is about as helpful as Kim Kardashian’s contribution to straight chicks.  FYI.) 

Anywho, the whole, “we-can’t-spot-other-lesbians stance is perplexing to me, seeing as how it’s 2017, and I thought practically everyone was gay these days, right?  At least that’s what prime time television and the media tells me, anyway.  So why can’t one woman just ask another woman if she’s gay or not?  What’s the big friggin’ deal?  Why all the hush hush confusion bulls**t?

Moving on.

Two, Piper feels as though using the word girlfriend dilutes the “word’s actual meaning for gay women.”  She points out that you never see a straight dude calling another straight friend-dude a “boyfriend,” so lesbians should just be able to HAVE THE WORD already.  It should just be theirs now.   I mean, they’re uncomfortable, y’all.  And Lord knows if the LGBT community is uncomfortable with anything, the rest of society needs to bend and change and stop doing whatever it is that makes their feelings NOT feel all the bad feels.

Because of COURSE.

This is what “dilution” looks like according to Piper, by the way:

Once, Melissa Kravitz’s (actual) girlfriend was home sick. Kravitz told her supervisor she was going home early to take care of her girlfriend. You’re a really good friend, she says he told her. “That put me in a weird position, having to come out to my supervisor,” says Kravitz, who is now a freelance writer.

So straight women have to stop using the word girlfriend as of yesterday (I’m assuming the timeline there) to make it easier for lesbians to track and find and then mate with other lesbians in society.  Because the word “girlfriend” between women should only mean that two women are dating, dontchaknow.  It can no longer be defined as a friend that is a female.

Another word is being redefined by social justice.

Got it?

I swear, I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried.