Attention Townspeople: The Phrase ‘Mother Of All Bombs’ Is Sexist

On Thursday, the United States dropped the “Mother of All Bombs” on ISIS in Afghanistan. We destroyed some of their tunnels and killed 36 militants. But ignore that. The bomb’s nickname is super offensive and kind of sexist, don’t you think? I mean, MOTHER of all bombs? MOTHER? M O T H E R = female. Females = breasts. Breasts = ladyparts. Ladyparts = feminism. Feminism = outrage at absolutely EVERYTHING.

It’s grotesque to call a killing device, the “Mother of All Bombs.” The #MOAB is the epitome of lethal patriarchy.

— Eric Stoller (@EricStoller) April 13, 2017

Why are we enforcing sexist gender roles on explosive ordnance?#MOAB#Trump#ISIS

— Not A Tory 🇸🇾 (@NotaTypicalTory) April 13, 2017

#MOAB actually stands for Massive Ordinance Air Burst. Trump is sexist even when referring to bombs. Nice consistency.

— Pam de Butler (@pjdebutler) April 14, 2017

I’m confused. Shouldn’t feminists be honored by this? It’s the most powerful non-nuclear bomb ever used in combat. If anything, shouldn’t feminists be flattered? Officials attached femininity to the bomb that wiped out some of the world’s most dangerous, sexist, homophobic, rape-y terrorists. GIRL POWER WOO. But nah. SEXISM!

I made a joke that some idiot somewhere would say that #MOAB was sexist. Then this guy actually did it. It has to be a troll right? https://t.co/HSkssFiOV3

— Nothing Important (@NotImportantPC) April 14, 2017

It’s hard to tell these days. Isn’t it?

Who wants to bet they’d be screaming sexism if we called it the “Father of All Bombs.” Any takers? Speaking of…

@LanieLanowitz You will be pleased to know that Russia has a “FOAB” (Father Of All Bombs) which is four times as powerful as the MOAB. Is that sexist?

— Bruce Robbins (@brucerobbins13) April 14, 2017

Let’s recap, shall we? Tomahawk missiles are racist, and MOAB? That’s sexist. Besides, we can’t just go around assuming a bomb’s gender like that.