Hillary Clinton Makes First Appearance Since Her Concession

Hillary Clinton took a break from mourning her HERstoric loss Wednesday to speak at the Children’s Defense Fund’s gala in Washington, DC. Because the children. You know.

She’s had a rough couple of days. According to a CNN reporter, Hillary completely lost it on election night and physically attacked Robby Mook and John Podesta. She was “briefly restrained” and given alcohol with sedatives. I know this sounds like a story I’d make up, but I totally didn’t. Again, here’s the source. The CNN reporter apparently wanted to get the story out, but his editors wouldn’t allow it. (Are you SUUUUURE no one took a Snap of the meltdown? I’m telling you, it’d be the most watched video on YouTube. It’d probably get more views than Adele’s “Hello” and Beyoncé’s “Lemonade.”)

Anyway. Back to the children.

“I will admit coming here tonight wasn’t the easiest thing for me,” Hillary said. “There have been a few times this past week when all I wanted to do is just to curl up with a good book or our dogs and never leave the house again.”

She says that like it’s a bad thing. Reading books surrounded by dogs? Come on. That’s my kind of vacation. (Although Hillary never really struck me as a dog person. Just putting that out there.)

During the speech, Hillary quoted the organization’s founder, Marian Wright Edelman.

“Service is the rent we pay for living,” she said. “You don’t get to stop paying rent just because things don’t go your way.”

Funny she says that. How many anti-Trump protesters probably missed their rent or put their entire lives on hold to protest Trump’s victory? Heck, some of these protesters are actually paid to whine when things don’t go their way.

“If there’s anyone who knows how to pick yourself up, and get back on your feet and get to work, it is Marian. She has been doing it all of her life, and she has been helping the rest of us do it, too,” Hillary said.

So much butthurt.

“I know many of you are deeply disappointed about the results of the election. I am too, more than I can ever express. Our campaign was never about one person or even one election – it was about the country that we love and about building an America that is hopeful inclusive and big-hearted,” Hillary said.

She even mentioned bending the moral arc of the universe. For real. As if she–the most corrupt politician in modern history– is capable of doing that. Hilarious.

“I ask you to stay engaged, stay engaged on every level. We need you. America needs you, your energy, your ambition, your talent. That’s how we get through this. That’s how we help to make our contributions to bend the arc of the moral universe towards justice,” Hillary said. “I know this isn’t easy. I know that over the past week a lot of people have asked themselves whether America is the country we thought it was. The divisions laid bare by this election run deep. But please listen to me when I say this: America is worth it. Our children are worth it. Believe in our country, fight for our values, and never, ever give up.”

Oddly enough, I didn’t hear Hillary tell her rabid supporters to stop rioting, blocking traffic and staging fake hate crimes.

And can I be petty for a second? What happened to polished, sweet granny look she had going on? She’s looking rough.

This is what Hillary Clinton looks like a week after the election. Turns out decades of corruption don’t age well. ??? pic.twitter.com/YlpQfm5Ica

— Young Conservatives (@YoungCons) November 17, 2016

Yiiiiiiiikes.