New Study: If You Like Pumpkin Spice Anything, You’re Probably A Racist, Sexist, White Privileged Jerk…

Just when you thought it couldn’t get any crazier in this country, we hit a whole new level of liberal insane.

Enter “scholars” (I know you’re shocked the crazy is coming from a university…I should’ve told you to sit down and brace something) who have wasted everyone’s precious time written a peer-reviewed academic study on why pumpkins and pumpkin spice lattes and everything Fall and awesome and pumpkin-related is racist, sexist, and centered around white privilege.

I kid you not.

That actually happened somewhere in IHaveNothingBetterToDoWithMyTimeButB*tchAndMoanAboutOtherPeople’sJoyVille.  Yep.  That place is becoming increasingly crowded, if you haven’t noticed lately.  And it’s the place where they spend money on absolutely useless degrees that equip young people to become social justice warriors (but listen – when Hillz gets into office, everything is going to be free! free! freeeeeeee!!!!).  And according to this post and the study we’re discussing, the coffee there must taste like T-total crap.  Well, boo.

Anywho.

Here’s an excerpt from the abstract from the research paper:

This article examines the symbolic whiteness associated with pumpkins in the contemporary United States. Starbucks’ pumpkin spice latte, a widely circulated essay in McSweeney’s on “Decorative Gourd Season,” pumpkins in aspirational lifestyle magazines, and the reality television show Punkin Chunkin provide entry points into whiteness–pumpkin connections.

“Entry points into whiteness-pumpkin connections.”  It’s as if it’s a VORTEX of whiteness, y’all.  DON’T GO INTO THE LIIIIIIIIGHT.

“…why did PSLs become the symbol of basic white girlness? Why did they stick even more than UGGs, yoga pants, or scented candles? The context and composition of the PSL might be revealing.”

The context and composition might be revealing, indeed.  If this wasn’t such a bulls**t study based on the dumbest premise ever in the history of ever.  They are talking about A GOURD BEING RACIST AND SEXIST NOW.

People have gone and lost their minds, and there’s medication for this.  FYI.

On a side note, I despise UGGs.  I’m more of a Minnetonka girl myself.  And my scented candles are from the grocery store, because I’m the cheapest, whitest white girl on the planet.  I can’t help my lack of melanin.  Some days in the winter time, I swear, you can see my kidneys, I’m so white.  It’s the way God made me. I love the personal-size pumpkin pies at Walmart that they pump out this time of year.  It’s something I look forward to every year.  I just never considered that my need for them had anything to do with my lack of melanin, because you know what?  IT DOESN’T, YOU FREAKS.  It just has everything to do with the fact that I LOVE PUMPKIN PIE THIS TIME OF YEAR.  And pumpkin spice lattes.  And carving and decorating pumpkins with my 6-year old daughter.  And living life and enjoying everything Fall.  And the Actual Taste of pumpkin.  And if my exterior body color was black or polka-dotted or purple or plaid, I’m pretty certain that I would still love to ingest all things pumpkin this time of year.  Because I love love LOVE Fall.  It’s my favorite season of the year, and I adore everything that goes with it.  And now liberals want to make Fall activities about race and white privilege and crap all over Fall, too?

Well, suck it, libs.  (And don’t even get me started on my yoga pants….Lord give me strength.)

Meanwhile, Rome burns.

You know, I used to teach at the university level, and I loved it beyond words.  It was one of my most rewarding roles.   Between these types of studies to students needing safe spaces from Halloween costumes to them handing out cards to other students because they don’t feel comfortable with being told to “smile” by other students, it makes me so sad to see many of these once-great-learning centers become Wuss Factories.  What a shame and a disgrace.

Who wants a PSL?