ATTENTION WOMEN: Amy Schumer Would Like You To Know That Going Topless Is The Secret To Female Empowerment

Forget all that old-fashioned nonsense you’ve heard about going to college, working hard, applying yourself, becoming the very best in the career field that you’ve chosen. Because the best way to get ahead in this world, according to Amy Schumer, is to strip down to your birthday suit and get photographed. And this is considered an HONOR.

I hate our society.

According to this, renowned photographer Annie Leibovitz is photographing the 2016 Pirelli calendar. This year’s iteration of the calendar was meant to highlight “distinguished women.” And for Amy Schumer, apparently being distinguished meant stripping down to your underwear for the camera. Because, comedy –

Clearly, I’ve been doing life wrong. See, I thought that when you’re actually successful and have confidence in your abilities and skills, you don’t need to show off your body to get attention. I was always taught that it mattered more what you thought like than what you looked like. And yet, we have “distinguished women” stripping down to their skivvies for the camera.

And Amy Schumer’s not the only one. Tennis pro Serena Williams is all about showing off her naked physique too –

Um… Serena – everybody knows you’re a talented athlete. It’s clear that you’re physically fit and in great shape. We’d rather see you put your physical skills to use in a tennis match, not for some cheap voyeuristic scheme.

Here’s the stupid thing – not all of the subjects for this shoot are stripping down. Singer Patti Smith and the first Chinese Goodwill Ambassador, Yao Chen, were photographed fully clothed and they both look quite classy in their photos –

So, why do Amy Schumer and Serena Williams have to go naked to get any respect and these other ladies don’t? Even Annie Leibovitz said that they didn’t have to for the photo shoot –

Discussing the final results, Annie added: ‘I’m a great admirer of comediennes. The Amy Schumer portrait added some fun. It’s as if she didn’t get the memo saying that she could keep her clothes on.’

I’m not even going to bother to wonder where the feminists are who should be howling that this is demeaning and degrading toward women. They’re so full of double standards that they probably don’t even know which direction they’re walking anymore.

So, there you go. In today’s world, going naked is a resume enhancement for women. Those of us who spent all that time, money, and effort to get advanced college degrees and make something of our careers are just a bunch of chumps. We should have been heading down to the nearest stripper joint in nothing but a thong. THAT’S where the real success is.

Thanks, but no thanks. I’ll keep my dignity and self-respect.