THIS Is How You Do Insults, People. THIS.

Quite frequently, people who hate us for existing or thinking differently than they do will stop by our facebook page to vomit an insult onto it.  Most of the time, the insults are so lame, and so tired, and so pointless, that we just delete them, ban the moron who took Actual Time out of his/her life to post something super lame on our page, and move on.  But today was different, y'all.  Because today, Christopher Moorhouse stopped by, and posted the BEST INSULT WE HAVE EVER RECEIVED IN THE HISTORY OF EVER.

As of the time of this writing, the post now has 70+ comments in response – and most of them are mocking the ever-loving crap out of Christopher Moorhouse. But mixed into those 70+ comments from our followers are a couple of comments from me, begging him to allow us to post his insult on our website, so that it can be shared with the masses, along with his photo.

I'm delighted to report that he has obliged. 

First, his original insult:

SERIOUSLY HOW AWESOME IS THAT???  I responded as follows:

I cannot tell you how much Daisy and I laughed at this.

But again, I wanted to be able to share it with y'all.  So I checked out his facebook profile, and noticed a photo of him with the most ADORABLE CREATURE EVER on his shoulder, and read from one of the comments about it that it's a creature from the raccoon family called a QUASH.  So I wrote a follow-up:

A few hours went by, and nothing.  So I sent out another plea:

And then, clever and competent readers, he responded.  And his response was every bit as awesome as I'd hoped it would be.

I MEAN, COME ON.  This is the smoothest, most sententious, eloquent insulter in the history of ever.  Like – he puts every loser who comes to our page and says, "You guys are c*nts" to SO MUCH SHAME.

So, even though he clearly has a problem with us, the way he delivers his message of hostility and animosity is so positively enjoyable to read that I can't even be cross with him.  Plus, how I can be mad at someone who has a QUASH ON HIS SHOULDER???

I totally want one, and am adding a quash to my Christmas list.

Meantime, since Christopher Moorhouse has been so obliging, I feel it's only right to honor his request to post a close-up of his "glorious visage" so that you all can, as he suggested, "experience his planet levelling sexual allure in all its beguiling munificence."

Let the spontaneous orgasms commence.