OH NO THEY DIDN’T.

Liberals just banned cupcakes, y'all.  I'm not even kidding you.  

According to The Daily Signal, they have BANNED FREAKING FUN AND YUMMY GOODNESS in Edmonds School District in Washington state because of Michelle Obama's stupid healthy guidelines.  They believe that banning "cupcakes, candy and other sweets that children typically bring to school to celebrate their birthdays" will "make school more healthy."

They also say that kids "should distribute pencils to their classmates on those special days – because pencils are every bit as much fun as cupcakes."

I'll be over here while you stop laughing your ass off at the sheer absurdity of that statement.

The ban on food in classrooms—aside from “seasonal, cultural or curriculum-related celebrations” that are allowed to occur three times per year—is part of an overall effort to make the district’s schools healthier and to comply with new federal guidelines for school wellness.

 

If every child in a classroom brings treats to birthday celebrations, “We’re not just talking about one cupcake a year, we’re talking about 25 cupcakes a year,” DJ Jakala, spokeswoman for the Edmonds School District, told the Everett Herald newspaper.

No WAY.  25 cupcakes a YEAR?  How is a student expected to CONTROL herself when there are 25 cupcakes all up in her face during the school year?  I look back on those days in my youth, and I wonder how I made it out alive.  And not morbidly obese.    

Oh – that's right – it's called BALANCE and PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY.  And EXERCISE.  I remember.  What neat concepts that seem so tough to teach a young person, so it's much easier to just deprive them of joyful, yummy things on their birthdays because, you know, FLOTUS knows best.  Almighty Government has the answers.

Screw their parents.  Screw their friends.  And get used to having celebratory KALE on your birthday, kids.

Because liberals.

Amerika!