There’s A New Sexual Orientation That We Need To Know About, And I’m About To Hurl

Society seems to get more screwy every single day, but I’m constantly reminded of what Solomon said in Ecclesiastes.

“History merely repeats itself. It has all been done before. Nothing under the sun is truly new. Sometimes people say, ‘Here is something new!’ But actually it is old; nothing is ever truly new.”

The same crazy existed years ago. We just have new names for it, and society is more accepting of the idiocy. It’s a big cycle of the same old human crap.

Still, this is the first I’ve heard of this (of course, that doesn’t mean it didn’t exist before).

Autosexuality. It’s A Thing. It’s basically where you’re, uh, sexually attracted to yourself. The Guardian decided to alert everyone of this particular…orientation?

“Are you turned on when you look in the mirror, and enjoy nothing more than a steamy night at home alone? You could be an autosexual,” the Guardian explains.

It provided a bizarre Q&A, which reads in part:

What? My orientation happens to be autosexual.

What do you mean? Like a sexy robot? No, not like a sexy robot.

Or does it mean you get aroused by cars, like Jeremy Clarkson? It means that I am sexually attracted to myself.

How does that even work? Well, I usually start by lighting a few candles and checking I’ve got fresh batteries. Then …

Stop. If you’re talking about masturbation, everybody does that. I hear. Autosexuality is different from autoeroticism. It’s more about masturbating to the idea of yourself.

I’m afraid the distinction is lost on me. You might, for example, be turned on by your own nudity. In my case I’m also autoromantic – I literally love myself.

What are you talking about? I mean I get butterflies in my stomach when I think about me.

No you don’t. Yes I do. I go on dates with myself and buy myself romantic gifts.

I am so freaked out right now. There’s a difference between acknowledging that you’re a human worthy of respect and literally getting butterflies and wanting to MARRY yourself.

If you love yourself so much, why don’t you marry yourself? I may. The writer Ghia Vitale got engaged to herself in 2017, and plans a self-wedding at some point.

What’s stopping her? Cold feet? She’s just taking things slowly. “Although I will one day be my own wife, I am enjoying the feeling of being engaged.”

This is completely contrary to how God created us. Can I say that? I’m saying it. We’re not supposed to be into ourselves. I can’t believe that even needs to be said. In fact, I can’t even believe it’s A Thing. It’s bizarre, icky and gross. We were made to love and serve others. You can’t convince me that it’s “normal” to be in a relationship with yourself, because it’s not. People who are doing that are clearly insanely lonely and need to know that God loves them more than they could ever know. Pretending that you’re OK in a romantic relationship WITH YOURSELF is obviously a symptom of serious psychological issues.

This world is nuts.