The Greatest Tweets Of 2016

I love these for various reasons.  Enjoy.

FYI, you don’t have to be a waiter in order to go in a restaurant and wander from table to table asking people, “How’s everything tasting”

— Bridger Winegar (@bridger_w) September 14, 2016

It says there’s 140 calories per can of Coke but here’s my secret: I never eat the can

— Jason Miller (@longwall26) July 14, 2016

Cooking spinach pic.twitter.com/FqLdJrXQFM

— shut up, mike (@shutupmikeginn) March 31, 2016

YOU CAN’T BUY HOT POCKETS YOU CAN ONLY BUY COLD POCKETS YOU ARE EXPECTED SUPPLY THE HEAT YOURSELF DONT BELIEVE THE LIES.

— McC (@MattMcC1) November 25, 2016

[normal life]
ive worn the same shirt everyday for a week
[packing for vacation]
hmmm. i’ll prob change a few times a day so thats…32 shirts

— jomny sun, authoer (@jonnysun) July 5, 2016

when you realize the statue of mona lisa looks like keith urban ? pic.twitter.com/Fh1iDxBvBf

— ️ (@DlCKSLEXIC) October 30, 2016

I would have suggested they just use a regular volleyball, but I guess the Olympics are special. pic.twitter.com/Tz6Tt6l4jn

— Jessie (@NicCageMatch) June 30, 2016

omg deleteee I look so fat do not submit that to national geographic I swear to god randy pic.twitter.com/pWfQJ4wPxw

— gary from teen mom (@garyfromteenmom) October 27, 2016

One time I saw a video of a guy holding up a sign that said “I love you Stevie” at a Stevie Wonder concert. I think about this a lot.

— ♡ brian essbe ♡ (@SortaBad) April 26, 2016

And this response to that one:

@SortaBad @DrewMcWeeny How far away were you? It could have had Braille subtitles

— Steven E. de Souza (@StevenEdeSouza) December 15, 2016

A: Your greatest weakness?
B: Interpreting semantics of a question but ignoring the pragmatics
A: Could you give an example?
B: Yes, I could

— Gary Illyes ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ (@methode) August 24, 2016

Here’s a doggo realizing you can stand in a pool. 13/10 enlightened af (vid by Tina Conrad) pic.twitter.com/7wE9LTEXC4

— WeRateDogs™ (@dog_rates) June 18, 2016

Would still pet pic.twitter.com/74L3efb87q

— Matson Hunter (@MatsonHunter) September 13, 2016