I Just Made The Greatest Purchase In The History Of Ever

I don’t claim to be a gun guru (yet). My dad and his close friends are gun enthusiasts. They know everything there is to know, and even they have their own gun sensei, so I’m in good hands.

I know the basics. Well, I’ll give myself more than that. I know more than the average person. Unfortunately, that’s not saying much. The average person doesn’t know a whole lot.

On Saturday, President Obama called for the reinstatement of the assault weapons ban. “Assault weapons.” The low-fos eat that up. “Yeah! Ban the assault weapons! Who needs those? They’re so deadly!”

It’s easy to spread those lies when he has help from idiots like Harry Reid, who believes you can “go down to a gun show at the local convention center and come away with a fully automatic assault rifle, without a background check.”

FFL dealers cannot sell an individual a gun without conducting a background check, period. And fully automatic assault rifles– rifles that shoot out multiple bullets with a single pull of the trigger– are already basically banned. Heavily restricted, to say the least.

But the average person doesn’t know that. Heck, it’s come to my realization that the average person doesn’t even know what makes an “assault weapon” an “assault weapon.” Which brings me to this extremely helpful infographic:

The truth is, “assault weapons” AREN’T A THING. They’re rifles with frightening looking cosmetic features. Pistol grips. Collapsible stocks. They’re cosmetic features. It doesn’t make the weapon more deadly. Period. The left is essentially telling us that banning scary looking cosmetic features will stop terrorists from murdering innocent people. I can see it now:

“Collapsible stocks are banned?! Oh well! Martyrdom will have to wait until another day!”

How ridiculous is that?

Anyway, I finally made the decision to purchase my first super scary AR-15. I went through a background check. I filled out the form. It asked me standard questions like if I was an illegal immigrant or felon and requested that I identify any suspicious tattoos on my body. (Just kidding about that tattoo thing.) I waited maybe 10-15 minutes after filling out the paperwork, and BOOM. Official AR-15 owner.

It’s beautiful. It’s wonderful. I’m super excited about it, and I just wanted to share it with you all. What’s more, a store employee told me AR-15s have been flying off the shelves this week. I think his exact words were, “We’ve been selling a sh*tload.” Which is the biggest of all the loads.

I have to say, it’s different physically holding the weapon and closely examining the parts the left wants to ban. It makes me chuckle. If the average person REALLY knew what liberals wanted to ban, there’s no WAY they’d support it. You’d have to be a complete imbecile to think that banning an OMG SCARY pistol grip would stop a terrorist.

Here’s a visual of that:

Stripping guns of scary features wouldn’t have stopped Omar Mateen from committing his unspeakable crime. Period.

I’ve had my AR-15 for 24 hours now. You’ll be pleased to know that it’s been on its best behavior. It hasn’t threatened to kill anyone or acted up or anything. It’s almost like it’s an inanimate object or something.

Note: This post has been edited.