Politician Reminds Virginians That NO ONE Out-Crazies FLORIDA

As I do before I start ANY of my Florida-hating posts, I must disclaim that our DARLING Hannah lives in Florida, and that she has shown me an ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC time there. Shout out to St. Augustine, you are lovely.

THAT BEING SAID, there is NO DOUBT that some of the most “HUUUHHH?!” news stories in our great nation come from the Sunshine State.

As you know, Virginia’s getting A LOT of attention right now for being an absolute dumpster fire… so it seems that Florida had to do something to regain the “WTF.” crown.

Nicely done, Florida. You win.

According to Fox News:

A Florida city commissioner reportedly resigned after the state ethics commission alleged she licked another city official’s face and neck before groping him.

THEEEEERE WE GO.

That’s as Florida as it gets.

Madeira Beach City Commissioner Nancy Oakley submitted her resignation on Tuesday but insisted she was innocent, the Tampa Bay Times reported.

The Florida Commission on Ethics fined Oakley $5,000 in January and called on Republican Gov. Ron DeSantis to issue a public reprimand of her alleged actions.

Oakley, according to the Times, did not plan to run for re-election and her run as city commissioner would’ve ended in March.

So she was basically done.

…even though the incident was reported TWO YEARS AGO.

A former city official reportedly filed the ethics complaint against Oakley two years ago, saying she’d sexually harassed him by licking his face and groping him at a public event.

According to a report from the ethics commission, Oakley licked City Manager Shane Crawford “up the side of his neck and face” and then groped his crotch and buttocks. When Crawford’s executive assistant said Oakley’s actions were inappropriate, Oakley allegedly “threw a punch” at the woman.

Crawford told Bay 9 News last month that Oakley had a “habit of licking men that either she was attracted to or thought that she had authority over.”

WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF.

DO NOT LICK PEOPLE, YOU FREAK.

“She starts here and goes all the way up to the point where you can’t stand it anymore and that’s after consuming enough (alcohol) and smoking enough cigarettes,” he reportedly said.

Sounds like a classy broad.