Some Ideas for the DeSantis Campaign

Because apparently, they sorely need them.

I know a lot of us were excited for Florida Governor Ron DeSantis to announce his presidential campaign, because he seemed positioned to pose a real threat to Donald Trump. But, while I loathe the term, I have to admit it’s been a nothingburger so far. It’s not like he’s tried and failed, he just. . . hasn’t tried.

The main issue seems to be DeSantis’s reluctance to go head-to-head with his competitors, namely Trump. But he needs to get over that if he wants any chance of success. It’s not enough to answer the question of “Why DeSantis?”; he has to answer, “Why DeSantis instead of Trump?” He just has to.

So I thought I’d use my enormous, well-regarded influence to brainstorm a few ideas for the DeSantis campaign to get a few easy dubs and maybe jumpstart this thing before it’s too late. (Side note, if anyone is impressed by my tactical political genius and wants to give me a job, I am available, like, all the time.)

1. Disaster Relief. If, after Idalia has come and gone and the state returned to order, DeSantis’s campaign doesn’t plaster his relief coordination all over the country, it’ll be time to call it. Frankly, I don’t know why they didn’t hold up his previous record (three weeks to reopen the causeway to Sanibel Island after Hurricane Ian– they predicted months!) in contrast to the Biden administration’s response to the devastating fires in Hawaii, but maybe the immediacy of Idalia will pack a bigger punch. If DeSantis would but swing.
2. Crime. America, and particularly Democrat-run cities, are facing rampant crime waves– but not so much in Florida. I can’t prove it, but I have a VERY strong suspicion that it would not be a particular challenge to round up a handful of Florida sheriffs willing to endorse Ron DeSantis as a tough-on-crime leader who supports local law enforcement. If only there were some national celebrity who loved being in front of a camera to spearhead the effort. . . 

3. COVID. DeSantis has been firm on his refusal to take on Donald Trump, but in my humble opinion he needs to get over it. Despite his best efforts to convince voters otherwise, 2024 is going to be largely about Trump, and he’s not going to win the nomination by pretending it’s not. He needs to go on the attack, and what better way to do so than with the COVID-19 pandemic? Every crummy policy we dealt with, every megalomaniacal public health “expert,” the COVID relief payouts, all started not with Joe Biden, but with Trump. Meanwhile, Florida prioritized freedom. Maybe it’s time DeSantis reminded the public of those facts.
4. Dread of 2020 Part 2. If, among myself and everyone who reads this article, we could come up with a list of more than six people who actually want another Trump v. Biden showdown, I would be amazed. DeSantis desperately wants to move the story along, and he is certainly not alone. Republican voters don’t have much say in who the Democrats run, but if they’re not already asking themselves, “Do you want 2020 part two?” then it wouldn’t hurt for Ron to ask them himself. 
5. Youth. Joe Biden will be 82 at the next swearing in ceremony. Donald Trump will be 78. By contrast, Ron DeSantis will be 46. Need I say more?

Look, if the DeSantis advice opts not to take advice from a 20-something whose claim to political experience was “advising” a friend’s (successful) city council campaign in a small rural suburb, that’s their call. I’m sure there’s plenty of arguments to be made against my proposals. 

But for the love of God, please, DeSantis, do something. Just. . . literally anything. Please.