Man Defeats Monkeys in Beach Brawl
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March 30, 2023There are no words in Elvish, Entish, or the tongues of Men with which I could convince you that this story is real, so just watch the video.
A family from Australia (because of course it was an Aussie) was on vacation in Thailand when some local monkeys got curious about the contents of their bag. The dad, Riley Whitelum, tried shooing them away, but instead of scattering like one might expect, the monkey stepped to him.
Mild chaos ensued.
Whitelum went for the bag, but the monkeys got aggressive, and one even went after his tiny son. That’s when things got personal. And physical.
Instead of giving you a blow by blow of the kerfuffle in a video I linked to literally three paragraphs ago, let me make a long story short: Whitelum: 1, monkeys: 0.
“I’ve been in a punch up with a dozen monkeys,” he said once the dust had settled, and that sentence in an Australian dialect is the second best thing I’ve heard in my life.
“I wanna say, like, really, I feel bad for punching a monkey,” he added, and that sentence in an Australian dialect is the single best thing I’ve ever heard in my life.
I’m gonna make it my ringtone.
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As Kramer said, the monkey started it.
Kramer: Alright, you know I’m supposed to go on this special tour today with
George’s girlfriend.
Jerry: At the zoo?
Kramer: Yeah, but before I met up with her, I stopped to look at the monkeys,
when all of a sudden I am hit in the face with a banana peel. I turn and look
and there is this monkey really laughing it up. Then someone tells me that he
did it. Well, I pick up the banana peel and I wait for that monkey to turn
around. And then I whap let him have it.
Jerry: Kramer, you threw a banana peel at a monkey?
Kramer: Well, he started it!
Jerry: It’s a monkey, Kramer!
Kramer: Well, he pushed my buttons, I couldn’t help it, Jerry.
Jerry: Well, I still think it’s wrong.
Kramer: Alright, alright, fine. You take the monkey’s side, alright, go ahead.
Jerry: I’m not taking anyone’s side.
Kramer (walking out): Cause I know what happened, Jerry.
The Face Painter
Written by: Larry David
Episode no. 109
pc: 622, season 6, episode 23
Broadcast date: May 11, 1995