CA Woman Sues After Receiving Chocolate Penis. This Is A Real Story.

I can’t with this.

According to the sourcelink, the Ventury County Supervisor in California, a woman by the name of Linda Parks, was gifted with a 5 inch chocolate dick not long ago, and instead of doing what WE’VE done when we’ve received candy dicks in the mail (and yes, we’ve been on the receiving of candy dicks on a few different occasions) – which is to be amused and then promptly eat them, Linda basically lost her crap over it and is now suing everyone.

I don’t even remember now the first time Daisy and I saw that there were a few different companies who sell Bags of Dicks as a gag gift.  We’ve received the hard candy dicks, gummy dicks – and you guys, we WELCOME IT. It’s hilarious AND delicious. You wanna send us candy dicks?  HAVE AT IT.  The one thing we’ve not ever gotten yet though are chocolate dicks, and frankly, I’m a little jealous of Linda Parks.

The company who sent Linda Parks the chocolate dick is called “Dick At Your Door.”  Linda received a cardboard box with the word “Congratulations” printed on the outside of it, and then she discovered the chocolate dick inside the box along with an inscription on the interior of the box which read, “Eat a Dick.”  There was also a note enclosed which said, “Enjoy your early retirement…You deserve it.”

Apparently, this caused her extreme emotional distress.  She filed a complaint with the Ventura County Court, saying that she received “an offensive 5-inch chocolate phallus with no redeeming social qualities, whatsoever.”

I beg to differ.  Chocolate, no matter its shape, has ALL KINDS of redeeming social qualities.  Hello.  It’s CHOCOLATE, for crying out loud.

Anyway, the reason Linda got the early retirement note is that she’s currently serving her 5th term on the Ventura County Board of Supervisors, and was apparently the subject of a 2021 recall effort (which failed) because she was a total Covid Cop and tried to hold businesses who violated Covid regulations legally accountable.

So, she’s clearly not particularly well-liked, and honestly if she’s mad about getting a chocolate dick I can see why.

Linda has now sued the OWNERS of the Dick At Your Door company and you guys, you’re not gonna believe the claims.  She says that Dick At Your Door caused the “intentional infliction of emotional distress” with their “extreme and outrageous conduct” and that said conduct has caused her to have:

• headaches
• fear
• nervousness
• anxiety
• worry
• indignity

Linda claims that the two owners of the company should be held personally liable as well because they used their company as a “a mere shell for their sick personal thrills.”

Holy crap, what a total killjoy Linda is.  JUST EAT THE DICK ALREADY IT’S PROBABLY DELICIOUS.

Linda wants “unspecified compensatory damages, special damages to pay for her psychological counseling, punitive damages, and legal fees.”

I’m sorry, but this is nonsense, and Linda needs to EABOD.